*One Point Many Views

In the Blink of an Eye

2011-12-16T11:08:00.001+05:30

It was never there and then one day it was as if it wasn't anywhere else.

Ever caught yourselfthinking how the hell did ‘that’ happen? That’s what I think whenever I see thecluster of houses behind my home. They resembled a Michelangelo Antonioni setfor the longest time-spick and span yet desolated. These have been ready forover a year now and yet they there ain’t a single soul that calls them home.

I looked at them formonths and weaved endless plots around such a backdrop. Lines of spotlesslywhite flats, three floors, walkways, cemented pathways lined with Gulmohar,small patches of green lawns bordered by steel railings and no one living here.This is the closest I could think of anything resembling a live set inCinecitta would be like. Cinecitta, which means Cinema City, amagnificent film studio was created by Mussolini to infuse life into hispropaganda films drive by the slogan ‘Il cinema è l'arma più forte’ orCinema is the most powerful weapon.

For the longest time Ispeculated the fate of this place.

This city has alwaysgiven me incidents that have propelled me to think like my idols. Once I saw a horse run amok on a crowded street a la Fellini and now this Indiaversion of the island of Lisca Bianca fromAntonioni’s L’Avventura where Anna disappears. Much like amodern version of Akbar’s Fathepur Sikri misadventure would it stay frozen inthe state it was and continue to inspire me to think like one of my idols? Whatwould happen when it meets its purpose and when would that happen but also whatwould happen when it finally happened?

And then in a completeantithesis of the fate of the 84 abandoned villages of Kuldhara in Rajasthan,one fine morning it all changed. It finally happened. Truckloads came in andstarted sprucing up the place. It was time to move in and time to kill myimagination, which was so mesmerized by the imagery that it never registeredthe change. The locks on the houses were no longer needed. As an Army brat anda veteran of shifting, I couldn’t see anything chaotic in the disorderly. Likea controlled frenzy the whole place was now ready. What followed was comical.Scores of mattress and other homely items were unloaded and systematicallyassigned to their respective dwelling units.

That night the colonywas lit up like a bad film set bought to action by regimented bulbs that darenot break the mood. There were people who gathered in the cemented meetingspots and talked into the cold night. The next morning there werewater-tankers; so this wasn’t going to be like Akbar’s failed dream after all.More people followed. Only this time they instantly felt at home. Each housenow felt warm, clotheslines strategically emerged in front of random flats,older folks came out to bask in the sun and there were a few kids who ran amok.

Ek raat ka chamatkaar… suddenly it feltlike what it was supposed to always feel like. In the blink of an eye, a worldcame up and the one that I was busy imagining was lost forever.

© Gautam Chintamani, 2011

Freshly Ground

2011-11-24T16:03:00.001+05:30

Must we make everything worthwhileenough in order to appreciate its value? Or if a process wrongly attaches some significance to a simple action, does it become meaningful?

This is a thought that always crossesmy mind when I feel like fresh pepper at restaurants. Sometimes I judge placesthat serve food based on how they treat their pepper. At times I extend the same courtesy to people as well.

I understand that importance offresh spice and have more than a clue to what it can possibly do to the foodyou eat. But what I can’t comprehend is why must pepper be given that exaltedplace amongst spices? If olive oil, chili flakes and oregano can be put on a tablewhy can’t pepper partner salt there as well. Why must you attract the server’sattention and ask for pepper. If they bring a giant pepper mill and operate itall over your food, why can’t the same degree of commitment be shown with aregular sized pepper-mill on the table?

I’m not surprised anymore when Idon’t see pepper on the table. It is my favorite spice and I know I will askfor it no matter what. I always ask the people with me about the wholeshenanigan of a waiter bringing a pepper mill and going about the business ofturning it as if they were conducting an orchestra. They all tell me it’s fresh, which sounds like not that again. The size notwithstanding, a pepper mill is going torelease the ground pepper that will have, perhaps, the same degree of freshness.

Could it be that there is no chiliflaker machine, or no oregano crushing contraption or else they’d have beengiven the same treatment? Or could it that the waiters need something like a pepper-mill to come to you and, well, just interact? If that be the case thencould not they simply keep an eye on the water levels in the guests’ glasses orkeep looking in their general direction every three minutes. Wouldn’t thatbe a better way of maintaining communication? Off late I don’t ask for things when it comes to waiters andrestaurants. I just gesticulate and that’sthat. I don’t shout and ask for a refill of my glass; I don’t excuse myself andrequest some pepper. I simply look at them and make the international hand signof I-WATER-DRINK or MUST-FRESH-PEPPER-CRUSH. Don’t think any less of me.You do that when it comes to the bill and don't theyget it in the first instance! So, yeah, I have simply extended that successfulmantra to everything else.

In the food business there is agreat deal of importance attached to the word ‘freshly’ when it precedes‘squeezed’ or ‘crushed’. It is in this context that the simple pepper-millbecomes larger than life in my thoughts. Albert Einstein had once mused that, ‘everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.’ Going by that rationale a simple pepper-mill to ‘freshly crush’ your own pepper would have been good enough butthe act of a waiter who behaves like a tenor as he/she operates the machine makesit, actually, look simpler. And somewhere during this transformation of a pod into powder,a lot is lost.

Click on this link to understand my point better.

© Gautam Chintamani, 2011

What I Think of When I Think of George Clooney

2011-10-27T12:27:00.002+05:30

Celebs are just like us…only alittle more recognizable and a lot richer. But they are humans too. And if they are regular folks like us theytoo, would crave to do what we, in our capacity as humans, do?

If you were to believe a majority ofthe cover stories from Esquire to down to Man’s World then some of these guystry ridiculously hard to come across as regular people. I remember my youngerdays when the daily magazinewala woulddo the needful to enrich our lives. Once a month it would be the time forFemina or Savvy and while the former appeared to be about the glossier thingsin life, the changeover happened in the early 1990’s, the Savvy Woman of theMonth was an inspirational tale for anyone who bothered to leaf through. Theonly reason I didn’t want to know everything about Zeenat Aman when it was herturn to be the Savvy Woman of the month was that somewhere she came across as,well, regular. Pained, troubled and sometimes unloved just like any 8^thgrader would feel on most school days, it troubled me to see someone like Ms.Aman appear unlike the celestial body that I had learnt to accept her as.

The idea of Savvy woman of the monthor the Man’s World cover story, try and read the first Ranbir Kapoor coverwhere he comes across as a over-sexed teenager, is to show that there’s a realhuman being behind the glitter. Agreed. Everyone knows how films are made andhow Peter Jackson infused real emotions into King Kong Version 2005, so do westill think these people have come from some other planet? It’s not like Manto portraitof Ashok Kumar from the 1940’s where people thought of stars as some sort ofsuper-humans, so should we really care about that kind of writing anymore?

The randomness that propelled me tothink out this post was that when Brad Pitt and George Clooney meet, do theyclick photos of each other? They might be the best of friends and I’m sure theyhang out often and do things that friends would do on a lazy day. Of course,the mundane me picking up a buddy would be slightly different when Pitt andJolie and their bachas are picked upGeorge Uncle in his yacht (I‘m imagining he has one) and ferried off to hisisland (I’m imagining he rents one, at least). But they still don’t get to do normalthings, now do they? I mean is Pitt tweeting ‘Chomping with Clooney while wifeysmiles at Maddox sipping his juice’?

Celebs especially the Pitt andClooney variety are more committed to saving the nation, the world and humanityor whatever they feel like rescuing that week, so I don’t think they are asregular as us. We don’t crave adopting children from every exotic corner of theworld that we frequent, by the way adopting is a good thing; we don’t championthe cause of liberating Sudan while guzzling beers on a Friday evening; wehardly bother about the massiveness of the African debt…you get it. So unlesssomeone proves it I’m not going to believe that Pitt sends Clooney an emailwith the subject line that goes something like ‘pics from yesterday’ andClooney downloads them and slideshows them the next time Pitt-Jolie and thekiddos come over!

Sometimes, in sticky situations, weinspire ourselves to think like our heroes would. What would Scorsese do with here?This is what my mind keeps hearing every time I’m fighting to come up with thebest to do in a set-up. Now imagine a socially stickable situation; no matter how stuck you might be you’ll nevercatch telling yourself how would Brad Pitt get out of this one. Do you everhear your inner voice yelling, think likePicasso man, just think like Picasso when the nagging personality from theneighboring cubicle catches you unawares in an office get together, now do you?Yeah so if celebs are heroes and just like us why is that we never imagine themin regular domesticated situations?

Doing It Late

2011-10-12T08:17:00.004+05:30

Had TS Eliot been one of the judges on Masterchef Australia would he have voted Kumar out? The 62 year old design teacher of Sri Lankan origin could have been the perfect embodiment of Eliot’s famous observation that, ‘It's never too late to be who you might have been.’

Out of the four who battled it out to make it to the final ten of the season Kumar started at a clear disadvantage. He could guess only four ingredients out of the 24 in a dish; so when the others had between 7 and 11 items to cook their dishes with, Kumar really had to think in order to come up with something substantial. He kept it simple and his presentation was really up there with the others. Michael Weldon who deduced 11 ingredients, the one who was chosen over Kumar, changed his dish at the last moment and even left out the main protein. He mused that he goofed up to the extent of choosing a great time to serve his worst dish and yet the judges decided to go with him to the top ten. A few years ago someone would have used the R word and cried foul but while watching the show one couldn’t believe that racial prejudice had anything to do with how things panned out. So, what was it that worked against Kumar.

Does age really have anything to do with success or the perception of success? The manner in which the judges went about deciding that between a 30 something white man and a 60 plus Australian of Sri Lankan origin, the likelihood of winning the chance to open your own restaurant (I’m guessing that’s the mega prize of the show) and making a success of it displayed that being older went against Kumar?

There are many examples of ‘late bloomers’ and to assume that success peaks in a young adult and wanes with increasing age can be a very simplistic way to look at things. Like others Kumar was blindfolded and had to guess the ingredients while his mind blanked out the others tried every trick in the book in order to detect the elements. One of them, Peter Vickery decided to jot down just about every kind of meat and condiment believing that some of them would be correct! Kumar’s presentation looked like a full meal with a ‘protein’, like the judges kept harping about, while Michael’s came across as a good looking appetizer at the best.

Kumar’s calm composure was visible right from the first episode; he was never rushed and always made the most of the situation. Is that something that a ‘master chef’ shouldn’t be like? Could it be that had Kumar gone the whole hog and by some wild stretch of imagination won the series, would his restaurant look ‘good’ enough? Or was he simply too old to be a master chef?

Image: MasterChef Australia

Technological Breakthrough

2011-07-05T08:53:00.001+05:30

A six-year old girl tells her grandfather to turn on his desktop and when the kid’s told that there’s no Internet, she promptly loses interest. Is this it? Have we ceased to remember the other real worlds that we used to exist in besides the virtual universe that has engulfed our existence?

Before the Internet crept into my life I used to switch on the monstrosity of a desktop that embellished my room before anything else in the morning. A few months later when a dial-up modem made its connection with me I couldn’t get myself to switch on the ‘computer’ if the Internet wasn’t there. So, in a sense I understood the little girl’s predicament or rather than absence of it.

Yes, we’re all are slaves to machines; no one ever doubted that. What’s worse is the smaller the appliance, the greater we fall. Ever since I can recall I have been a tech freak and so when gadgets stop working around me a sense of abandonment swallows me up. In less than a week my cell-phone and my laptop both started misbehaving for no real reason. Like a seasoned rally-racer who strives to oil the machine I put a reminder to update the operating software on my mobile phone; I systematically update the trusted Windows XP and yet these machines have started acting funny.

For sometime now I have been following the Android mania and when I finally switched sides abandoning Symbian wasn’t all that tough. But off late my phone been doing something which is known as spazzing; the screen keeps flashing and apps open on the own and when needed the touch screen doesn’t respond. There was nothing wrong with the instrument and yet it decided to do what one in a million Motorola Milestone does! I upgraded/ restored factory settings and yet the phone doesn’t give up the revolution. And every time it does what its doing I can’t help but think of the old Symbian/ Nokia OS. Would it behave like this? Would it choose not to listen to me? But then I ask myself bigger questions- would I still be happy with 625 MHz of processing speed?

In true Indian sensibilities I have attributed my phone unruly behavior to the fact that I praised it a little too much to friends and family. When all the logic in the world fails everything can be explained to nazar lagna. Maybe its time that someone developed an app, an e-nazabattu, which would simply set things right with the click of a button. Or even a slider action would do, after all I have a touch phone now!

Those Five Days

2011-04-11T12:46:00.004+05:30

The question one needs to ask before commenting on Anna Hazare is for whom did the man fast for 96 hours?

If for nothing else Anna Hazare’s fast has made the Government of India realize one thing that perhaps it has no clue on what the people of this country are thinking; or am I expecting too much from the government? To say that Anna Hazare blackmailed the government of the day into giving it to the demands of the civil society might be right in some context but try as hard I couldn’t think in that context.

I’m a very cynical person and some might suggest that my cynicism has no ‘real’ reason for its existence. But that’s not the issue here. I’m not suggesting that like George W. Bush’s ‘Either with us or against us’ business line those who don’t support Anna Hazare aren’t patriotic or aren’t troubled by the rampant corruption. Those who think Hazare is an arm twister or an opportunist who simply held his breadth till they blinked before him have their reasons but I’m not in a mood to buy it. Many senior journalists or like my new term for them Rock Star Columnists have gone to town shaking their heads, making fun of Hazare’s method and almost negating the ‘cause’ for which almost all leading social activists have joined hands.

Why?

What’s a good enough reason to not ‘support’ this ‘cause’? In a democracy everyone has a right to say or do what they like and while some of them want Hazare supporters to appreciate their opposition to the methods and the man, do they not like the idea that just about everyone they know is not getting their point? Manu Joseph, who became an instant crusader for the truth when his magazine published the Radia Tapes conversation between journalists and the corporate lobbyist, became the first one to run down Anna Hazare and his methods. There is nothing wrong in presenting a different point of view but reading Joseph’s The Anna Hazare Show you’d realize that Joseph has no real point to make. All he does in the name of a different opinion is to say that Hazare is a strange man for he decided to continue his fast for a day longer to facilitate the presence of more English speaking journalists for the moment he’d break his fast and hence can’t or shouldn’t be taken seriously. Before that Joseph says that he went to Jantar Mantar and from what he saw there concluded that this couldn’t be the ‘movement’ or the ‘revolution’ that it was being made out to be. Like Joseph Tavleen Singh too wasn’t impressed with the show at Jantar Mantar and even scoffed at the idea of non-elected and non-administrative individuals pressurizing the government. (click here for Manu Joseph’s The Anna Hazare Show).

I have no problem in accepting the truth that the Jan Lokpal Bill might not be able to completely solve the problem. I don’t fool myself by suggesting that this is a magic wand that will change everything. But that isn’t the issue. The bigger picture is that this government has failed and people need some kind of power or tool to tell them just that. Why else is the Supreme Court of India taking interest in running this country? Of course, the judiciary doesn’t have any business issuing directives to the government on governance but then what happens when the government doesn’t perform its basic function. Yes, we can vote them out but does that mean you simply go on with it for a stipulated time for our democratic right is handy on one special day every five years? Are we only to write, blog, and fight like over intellectualizing apes on television debates and till then? And a few years later the same people will be voted back in to do what they were voted out for? And let’s not forget that in the interim the ‘other’ party will do the number.

Manu Joseph didn’t refrain from making blatantly sexist comments while arguing with Barkha Dutt on NDTV’s Left, Right and Centre during the whole Radia Tapes controversy. Even though it was a little difficult to overlook his comments one was willing to look beyond certain facets of Joseph’s personality in order to discuss the larger issue at hand. Joseph had no qualms for expressing his sexist views, which at some level bordered on misogyny, but made every effort to ensure that his point of view not be squashed as a result of his stand on some issues but with his article on Anna Hazare he makes no such effort. He is convinced that Hazare is an opportunist who thrives on being in media’s spotlight and is sure that it’s the media and not Hazare who’s galvanizing an entire nation.

Joseph argues that Hazare once continued with his fast for a day longer than needed/intended/planned for the simple reason that there would be no media to cover the event of him breaking his fast. Is there something wrong in that? No matter how you see it a few minutes would convince you that perhaps Hazare, maybe, continued with his agitation for the media’s attention. So what? The greater good that would come from an action as desperate as a man fasting for something depends on how many people’s lives that action touches. Who is to say that Mahatma Gandhi didn’t fast for a day longer to ensure that his endeavor inspired many more to join his movement or simply ensure that the powers be understood the gravity of the situation? Some columnists have also said that no one writes about Irom Sharmila who’s been fasting for the last ten years against the Armed Forces Special Power Act. They even joked that next time she should fast in Delhi so that the government will be forced to do something but the thing is why the newspapers or the publications or the TV channels that went out of their way to cover Anna Hazare didn’t go to Manipur? These free thinkers need to realize that if they think they know of Anna Hazare’s shallowness in using the media, the man knows their superficiality better. Why else would you think he chose Jantar Mantar? He could have done this number during the Cricket World Cup but he did it when he did it and how he did it and it got somewhere.

Just because Anna Hazare continued his fast for a day longer doesn’t diminish the nobility of his action. Or does it? Is there something wrong in ensuring that more people know of the injustice that you fought for? Decades ago when Gandhiji first sat on a satyagraha there would have been people like Manu Joseph who must have ridiculed the action. It is said that in the olden days of newsreels that played prior to a film in cinema halls John F Kennedy was once requested by a camera crew to go back into his plane and repeat his actions of getting off and being welcomed by the head of the state for the sake of the ‘camera’. Kennedy, his wife, his team and the head of the state of the country the US president was visiting and just about everyone repeated the action again. So JKF was a publicity hound?

In his article Joseph also says that much like the toppling of a Saddam Hussein statue in a city square, an unplanned and relatively unimportant event that somehow ended up becoming an iconic image of the Iraq war, Hazare’s fast and the people’s crusade against corruption is something that has been conjured by television channels. What he forgets is that history is always made of unplanned events. Much like Joe Rosenthal unintended photo-op of four American Marines hoisting the American flag at Iwo Jima would become an image that would inspire an entire nation; the sights of a small lane at Jantar Mantar might have the power to shake a government out of its slumber.

Irrespective of the outcome Anna Hazare’s endeavor aroused millions across the nation and this can’t (shouldn’t) be trivialized. Manu Joseph’s article is in real bad taste and totally uncalled for. If he believes that his personal traits shouldn’t be a deciding factor while debating a deeper issue then how come he refuses to apply the same rules unto someone of Anna Hazare’s stature? One of the fair arguments for the opposition of this Bill could be that if and when implemented this would become an all encompassing and perhaps too powerful a tool in the ‘hands’ of a few who might start abusing it. Yes, this who will watch the watchmen is a rather fair argument and yes, this needs to be debated but that still doesn’t mean Anna Hazare or his methods are unjust.

The problem with these Rock Star Columnists is that they end up thinking that they are influencing popular opinion in this country. This might not be totally incorrect but more often than not this notion is very different from what the opinion of this country is. In this Anna Hazare and the people of Indian cities versus the government many popular columnists have trivialized the actions of not only the social groups but even the ordinary citizens. Its one thing to be cynical but to be dismissive of what the common man is shouting on the streets is something else. They say that the ‘tactics’ of the people and especially Anna Hazare are ‘unjust’ and some fractions have also called it ‘fascist’. I can’t make any sense of that. How can an Indian use the word Gandhian and Fascist in the same sentence? Tavleen Singh even went to the extent of saying this on a television news debate- NGOs and civil society can’t be a part of the drafting committee of the Jan Lokpal Bill. My argument is rather simple- if Ms. Singh were to be ‘invited’ by the government of India to be a part of a negotiation or interlocutor group with say, the Kashmiri separatists, would she refuse? Would she have refused has she been invited to be a part of the five member civil society group that will form one-half of the drafting committee? If she agrees then we are to understand it’s her ‘expertise’ as a journalist who understands what ordinary Indians want that made her say yes to such an offer but if Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal were to be part she’d have a fundamental problem with it? Ms. Singh just needs to ask herself that would have had the same stance if she were present when Gandhiji made similar demands of the British. (Click here for Tavleen Singh’s column on why she doesn’t support Anna Hazare; and I must say that I haven’t read it yet as I didn’t feel like after watching her television performance.)

While one understands that difference of opinion shouldn’t be dismissed there needs to be a reason to oppose someone so vehemently in public. I get a feeling that could these Rock Star Columnists be angry for the government and the people didn’t ‘bend’ when they were suggesting the same things for years and ‘instantly’ agreed in a few hours when Anna Hazare galvanized the ordinary people of this nation. Some have gone to the extent of saying that it’s ego that is making Anna Hazare ask for the government’s word in writing even though they agreed in principle to have a joint drafting committee. If the government, present or past, were serious about tabling this Bill would it have dillydallied for four decades? And what’s wrong in asking for something in writing from the government of India when it asks the same thing from me for just about everything!? It hurts to see seemingly intelligent people who have it in them to sway public opinion undermine the latent anger and frustration of a billion people who responded to a clarion call of a man who is unblemished and steadfast in his mission for attaching some kind of accountability to public representatives who care two hoots for the law of the land. How can I take someone like Mr. Kapil Sibal seriously when he says what’s the need for a written notification when we are committing in spirit; isn’t he the same man who suggested that the state lost nothing in the supposed 2G spectrum scam. So if we lost nothing then why is the former telecom minister in judicial custody!?

People like Manu Joseph and Tavleen Singh are looking at this as if it weren’t serious and will probably ‘blow’ over and everything would be back to ‘normal’ and it’s not because they may have good reason to believe so. Perhaps it’s so because this attitude is ingrained so deep in them that no matter how hard they try not to they end up seeing this everywhere. Manu Joseph’s moved on from his Radia crusade once Ms. Dutt’s ‘pretty’ face sold enough copies of his magazine and will perhaps move on from Anna Hazare as well but what’s the point of making splashes for no real reason?

The attitude of many politicians and the so called Rock Star Columnists reminds me of an old joke. A young boy who abused a lot for no reason was sent by his parents to a psychoanalyst who conducted a blot test on him. When the kid continued to utter obscenities looking at each blot drawing the doctor asked him if he ever saw anything good? The kid smirked I might if you stop showing me dirty pictures.

Image: www.deccanchronicle.com

On the Road, Again.

2011-03-23T00:55:00.003+05:30

I didn’t put rang on anyone. The day wasn’t bhanged and there were no gujias consumed and yet I wouldn’t want to change anything about my Holi. Out of all the festivals I don’t celebrate Holi is my favorite. It officially signals in the summers for me; I enjoy the mild yet unrelenting sun that shines bright on the day when faces are smeared with color; life’s almost like a video game when grown-ups with silver colored faces cross paths.

But that’s not what I like the most about the festival of colors.

What I absolutely love about the day is that everyone seems to stay off the road. This is the day when the road regularly endured becomes the road less traveled. Every time I race on the city’s deserted streets my mind conjures up this image that I’m one of those F1 racers and this is just a dry run for the Monaco Grand Prix. The closer I get to my destination I continue to steal a glance at my wristwatch and keep telling myself that ‘under normal circumstances this journey can be covered in so many minutes…’

But what exactly is normal circumstance on the road when we have 11.2 million vehicles in and around Delhi? And that figure is almost three years old and probably means something else now.

Delhi’s traffic has grown at a rate of 132% in the last ten years. The day after the New Year’s Eve and Holi are two days when the roads are a dream to drive on. It’s on such days that you see how wide Delhi roads really are and wonder about yet another number- 1000. That’s the number of cars that join Delhi roads on a daily basis. Add a million more which come into Delhi from the satellite towns. Now add another factoid to make this interesting- the total road length of Delhi has increased by only 20% in the last decade.

Some of us might argue that we need more roads; others might say we need lesser cars. The truth, however nervously exits between a less than needed increase of roads and a more than desired increase in the number of cars. The bigger truth is that there is no way we can stop someone from buying a car. Or the second one. India is one of the fastest growing economies in the world and so the number of cars sold would also be one of the highest in the world. The booming economy has to result in increased salaries of the working people and the growing population will, naturally, see a growth in the number of people. So what does one do with increased salaries? The same thing that one would do with any kind of salary. What am I working for? A better life. Yes, and that means a better car as well. Nothing wrong in that.

So, if we know that everyone is right in desiring a car then why do we assume that asking people to stop buying cars is the only way we can solve our traffic density problem?

It’s strange that lawmakers still believe that a car is a luxury. With less than adequate public transport system and warped policies teaming up increased salaries and growing desires there will be more cars on the road. Yes, the Metro has helped to a great extent by keeping 40,000 vehicles off the road by 2007; it saved 16.6 lakh vehicle km which means 172 crore rupees worth fuel but someone please tell the jokers who designed the parking lots for stations that it I have to spend an hour to look for parking then why won’t I take my car for the meeting that’s sad right next to another Metro station? Interesting the Delhi-Gurgaon Toll plaza has seen a decrease of almost 20,000 vehicles passing its gates but most importantly Metro has helped hardworking people almost 66 minutes/ day. But this also means a saving of almost Rs. 415 crore (till 2006) which,…ahem… means an increase in their earning capacity.

Thanks to the good things the Metro has done the average happily impacted Metro beneficiary will be able to by a car. This would increase the number of cars on Delhi roads; so does that mean people will start complaining about the lack of good public transport!?

This debate isn’t going anywhere but thinking about problems has become a way of life for me. I look forward to solving the problem of traffic and on the day when I’m supposed to enjoy my drive I can’t help but think about the parking troubles most colonies would face on the day the cars are kept off the streets!

PS: By the way this year the number of accidents during Holi was the lowest in the last decade.

Preparing for a Disaster

2011-03-17T00:54:00.010+05:30

No matter how hard you try ‘preparing for a disaster’ is never the same as ‘preparing a disaster.’

In the wake of the Fukushima Nuclear Disaster everyone in their right minds has started having second thoughts about the feasibility of civil nuclear power plants. Of course, one can never predict the impending doom with great accuracy but one can simply prepare for the worst. No one’s saying that the Japanese hadn’t thought enough while putting up the Fukushima Nuclear plant and to their credit the reactor did survive one of the worst earthquakes in Japan’s recorded history. You’d think that if nothing else a major earthquake followed by an unforgiving tsunami that destroyed a nuclear reactor is enough to make people think about their locations.

Now imagine the same scenario in India. You won’t doubt for a second that if such a calamity were to occur in India things would be totally different. Our ‘infrastructure’ isn’t equipped to deal with a natural disaster of such magnitude or what’d follow it and no amount of the stupendous 8.something % growth of this emerging tiger of an economy has pushed our civic authorities or the governments of the day to be ready to save lives. With this in background imagine a nuclear reactor somewhere in the middle of this merciless force of nature. Now that you have a picture in mind it wouldn’t really help to know that Jaitapur, one of the proposed locations for a future civil nuclear power plant in India, falls in a Seismic Zone that is Category 3!

Yes, you read it right. Jaitapur has survived 92 earthquakes of various magnitudes between 1985-2005. So, which great mind came up with this location that thought there’s nothing stupid in placing highly radioactive material on a ground that has witnessed earthquakes as big as 6.2 on Richter scale!? The whole idea of zeroing in on a location is based on tests complicated and simple. Now I don’t know about the complications involved in deciding on a location for putting up a nuclear energy plant but the simpler tests would surely include a no-brainer like RUNNING THE HELL AWAY FROM GROUND THAT IS UNSTABLE!

Look at the two images below.

Look at the location of the Fukushima from the epicenter. Jaitapur is located right on the coast. So if an earthquake was to be followed by a tsunami or even, as the concerned people behind this plan would like the nomenclature to be ‘tidal waves’ the chances of the plant coming down like a doll house are way higher. And let’s not forget that Jaitapur is Seismic Zone Category 3 to being with.

This government sold us the idea of nuclear power as the end all of a growing India’s need and there is no denying that alternative sources of energy are the only solution to end our dependence on rapidly diminishing natural sources. But is it too much to ask of this government to try and not put lives on the line? Till three days ago many had no clue about Jaitapur and today’s it’s almost out Fukishima before the disaster. Jaitapur was so under the radar that earthquakes that devoured people’s houses went ‘unreported’!

It is said that nothing unties people like a disaster and while this is so true about Japan, where there’s no looting in the aftermath and supermarkets have reduced prices of essential commodities, ours is a country that witnesses government distancing itself from not only the people but their peers in the wake of a calamity. Here the environment ministry stops some project and the state government meets the Prime Minister and the Lady at 10 Janpath, who then ask the Minister for Environment to be of a ‘practical view’. Those who think Lavasa isn’t a hot deal anymore, this could very well be the right time to go for it; poor Jairam Ramesh…after all with Sharad Pawar’s interests involved in Lavasa, the environment clearances are only a matter of time. This is country where the Minister of External Affairs assures the Opposition and the families of sailors who are held hostage by Somali pirates for over seven months by saying, "there is no use getting worked up and getting emotive. Let us be very objective in our assessment of the situation…’ He then said the he would get information and revert when asked if the Indian government had approached the Contact Group on Piracy off the Coast of Somalia (CGPCS) constituted by the UNSC last year for the release of sailors! Even with hours left to be final deadline SM Krishna didn’t address the nation neither gave a half-decent answer to the Opposition. Did you know that it was the Spanish government that managed to free 11 Indian sailors through talks with the pirates?

Is it that India life is so cheap that deaths due to regular natural calamities and other man-made disasters like bomb blasts and riots mean nothing? What are we expected to do? Pray to the heavens to let us ‘flourish’ for another 5000 years? If there’s a God, he/ she is already doing enough for Indians; why…aren’t we suffering more at the hands of a few humans than any natural calamity?

Images: www.blog.mapwatt.com and www.my.reset.jp

How To Stop Worrying and Start Loving the Spotlight

2010-11-15T19:01:00.004+05:30

How does one deal with being in the spotlight?

While this question has never really plagued my mind for I know or at least I think I know that I’ll be a natural at handling the limelight, I have been thinking about this for sometime now. It was a at a friend’s wedding where this question hit me. Sitting there in the church and hearing the priest chant the names of the couple to be in almost every sentence that escaped his mouth, I wondered what would be going through their minds. Looking at the bride in white and the groom who was as calm as the center of fire I thought they did pretty good in the 45 minutes of fame they were subjected to.

But think about it. If you happen to be someone who was never sought after in school and perhaps never went to a regular college and were the person who somehow blend in with the background without putting more effort than a elephant strutting down the street then dealing with the spotlight can be a tough thing. To say a marriage is your day might be all right but it’s only in a church wedding that this gets a whole new meaning. There are no million relatives who stand between the guests and you; there’s no floral cover shielding your face- it’s just the two of you. And over that you need to do the talking, the nodding, the kissing and what have you.

Now imagine being the poster person for low profile and then imagine yourself in such a place.

Tough.

Yeah that’s what I’d say. Off late there have been a lot of people who just don’t know how they ended up hogging all the collective attention of the world. There is dearth of people who just can’t handle attention and there ain’t nothing they can do to avoid that. Gone are the days when you could say or do something stupid and no one would notice. But with 24 hours in your face news channels, Internet, social networking sites and the works it’s instant death for people who can’t handle attention. Look at how the ‘former’ telecom minister A. Raja dealt with the attention his nefarious acts attracted. First he was shocked that people got to know of what the hell he was up to. Then he feigned ignorance; then came the dodging; then came the coldness; then came the over zealous smiles accompanied by invisible victory signs and finally when the writing was on the wall he made a handful of official statements in less an hour. In the end when there was literally nothing left to do but scoot he did it with much aplomb addressing the media in the middle of the night.

There are many more examples of people just not being able to handle the spotlight. Take Lalit Modi for instance. He had everything going for him and then he tipped the first tile triggering a domino effect with a few stupid tweets! Even Shashi Tharoor couldn’t curb his enthusiasm on a few occasions when it came to tweets. Lalit Bhanot is in a league of his own. Much like Alfred E. Newman or Rahul Bose he’s number one in the field of one. If you thought Bhanot couldn’t top his standards of sanitation statement he actually said there were some monkeys in the area when the press grilled him about a South African swimmers Indian spectators were like monkeys analogy!

So how does one deal with the spotlight?

Is there an easy way out?

Considering that most of these people don’t want to do things any other way except the easy way….

Keeping this mind I can just say look and learn from Sharad Pawar.

Managed Disaster

2010-09-08T15:06:00.009+05:30

For many years most of us looked around and wondered ‘what’ was happening around us. Then a man named Dr. Manmohan Singh, economist par excellence, liberalized our economy and for many moons we stopped bothering about everything else and sipped Coca Cola! Two decades later we started asking a new question as we looked around; we knew that the ‘what’ was non-sense and now we were intrigued to know why this all pervasive non-sense is happening?

Sadly I offer no solution. Yet.

We have become so used to things happening in triplicate around us that nothing is blessed with singular objectivity anymore in India. The sheer duplicity of command and execution has become so incestuous that Bold and the Beautiful looks like a fairy tale now. The Municipal Corporation of Delhi (MCD) lays a sidewalk in Connaught Place and a few days later MTNL will have a go at it in the name of some cable work. No one knows who is supposed to do what. But that doesn’t trouble anyone in any place of authority. All functionaries of government of India might not know what to do but in strange unison they all are fully aware of what they aren’t supposed to do.

Take the case of National Disaster Management Authority of India (NDMA). By the sheer definitionit would be clear that they are manage disaster. A look at their website confirms that have been ultra busy in devising action plans when it comes to dealing with any kind of calamity- natural or man made. They have formulated guidelines for Biological Disaster, Chemical (Terrorism) and (Industrial) Disaster, Plan to counter threats to Municipal Water Supply and Water Reservoirs, Strengthening of Safety and Security for Transportation of POL tankers, Incident Response System, Nuclear Disaster, UNDP Disaster Risk Reduction, Medical Preparedness aspects, Psycho-Social Support, Civil Defence Disaster and much more. All this good work has been done by them in the last nine months and it would be safe to say that they seem to be well equipped for a broad range of things that could go wrong.

But what about things that are actually messed up as of right now?

If the government of India is digging into my pockets and funding something called National Disaster Management Authority then why the hell is the Army being called in deal with the floodedCommonwealth Games Village? Created by a Special Act and headed by the Prime Minister, NDMA was established to deal with just this kind of disaster but according to Kiran Walia, the Health Minister of Delhi, the Army has been approached to drain the collected rainwater as other civic authorities have given up. She mulled that the Army was approached, ‘because they are far better equipped to manage flood-like situations.’

Hmm, did I miss the point? If the situation is 'flood like' then how come NDMA is not putting it’s fighting tights on? So while a General Officer Commanding of Indian Army’s Northern Command would be doing something that shouldn’t have happened in the first place or something that NDMC or MCD (why, they even sound same!) should be perfectly proficient to deal, we will never know why the NDMA wasn’t approached.*

A lot of people have often wondered where this country would be if not for the Army or Defence Forces. Remember the time when little Indian Prince and Princess fell into open borewells, it was the Army's Safest Hands that saved the day. Now why would you want to waste money and resources on making the road most frequented safer for the future of India when you have the Army on the beck and call; Prince fell into a 53 feet deep hole in 2005 and in 2010 a girl plummeted into a 200 feet deep borewell! (Just have a look at the related stories section to see the sheer number of such incidents).

The government has sanctioned 46 crores for NDMA (50% of expenditure on disaster management programs, see page 50), which might be pittance compared to the disasters we deal with, and yet no one knows of them? Surely Kiran Walia and Delhi Government or the haloed CWG Organizing Committee doesn’t. But ask the same government to put One Rank One Pension in practice and all Defence Minister Anthony can do is look elsewhere but not before uttering, "At this time we cannot implement one-rank one-pension, but we are nearing the goal. It is a long process."

I don’t know about us but it's only the NDMA that feels safer with NDMA around. No else one seems to have any confidence in their disaster fighting capacity and like always people will some how manage.

Yet the ticking doomsday clock doesn’t worry NDMA.

Why?

Just like every sarkari organization they still feel the world functions as per the Indian Standard Time!

* FYI # 1- It’s not like the MCD hasn’t done anything for the collected rainwater in the CWG Village. It has duly fined the Village several times for mosquito-breeding.

When they realized that this is mosquitoes wouldn’t share Incredible India's sentiments of Atithi Devo Bhava, MCD’s health committee released gambusia fish in the water body to curb mosquito breeding. In a rare act of coordinated effort the gambusia fish was procured from National Centre for Disease Control's hatchery in Delhi.

MCD’s health committee is now happy to inform us that “the breeding in the pond has reduced considerably. The water body is huge and anti-larval medicines are not very effective.”

**FYI # 2- NDMA has decided to use David Bowie's 'Putting Out Fire With Gasoline' as their new theme song. They might not be accepted but at least they will look cool.

Images- Vikrant Parikh via News, Views and Analysis

Who is Me?

2010-09-05T13:40:00.008+05:30

People exist in two mediums- ours and theirs.

Our world order collides with what the others perceive them to be theirs and soon people from different plays end up crowding the stage you portray your lines on. This is followed by whatever one perceived to be the truth transforming into eyewash.

For long I thought I knew what I thought I knew about things. But lately I have been compelled to think otherwise. The simple question that has been hitting my brain like a wave in an electrically generated wave maker that seems to be powered by the vast and seemingly endless power of the sun, is that what happens if I start existing the way people around me think of me? I’m an amiable fellow and usually people around me think of me as someone whose birthday could be declared a national holiday in some cultures. Basing my theory on this little personality trait of mine, I wouldn’t be completely nuts in thinking that I’m quite liked so people won’t perceive me as someone who shouldn’t be a national treasure.

But to be fair to the laws of physics, if I were to suddenly lose my world and subsist as a figment of someone else’s imagination wouldn’t I be extending the same courtesy to just about everyone around me?

This brings to a strange place which isn’t a comforting thought. The point is how long does it take for one to get sucked into stupidity that surrounds one? Especially if the stupidity is self inflicted? The way I’m being merrily made up in people’s thought has for some time been responsible for my demeanor towards the world at large. So if I were to claim to be someone who understands the world it means nothing more than people have designed me that way? Off late I have been noticing that patience in listening to others has been deteriorating and while I’m no saint when it comes to hearing people out I do enjoy an endearing tale.

If my world is a bastion of stupidity then people around me are not as stupid as I am for the simple reason that my world is created by me. And why would I create a universe where everyone barring yours truly was nuts? Can you imagine how starved I’d be for a half decent conversation? Or how lonely I’d be! Doesn’t make sense. More importantly it doesn’t do justice to my intelligence. So when people around me start telling me that I’m completely at sea when it comes to understanding them, then perhaps it’s me who’s responsible for the lack of communication. Take a few days ago for instance. I was in deep thought with someone who some where knew what I was and where I was coming from but that still didn’t help the case. A few volleys later I realized that while this person was being granted a fair leeway of exercising points of view, the same courtesy wasn’t being extended.

Now why would someone I created to be seemingly smart in my mind, and the real (whatever real be) world as well, be so ungrateful and not necessitate the same kindness in their creation of me? Why is it that many of us don’t seem to understand that people can change? This simple omission some times leads to disaster. We need to understand that even though our perception of others is created in our minds, people have a right to change without prior notice. Just understanding that someone isn’t the same person can be a helpful tool while talking, isn’t it?

This self creation of my world has been, off late, rendering many conversations of mine useless. I’m unable to steer some important discussions to their logical end. Am I in some incomprehensible manner responsible for stopping the logical flow? What is more dangerous- looking at people the way they are and dealing with them or looking at people the way they ought to be and dealing with them? Either way is fine as long as you get some where but what scares me is that the people you are categorizing are busy doing the same at the same in the same conversation.

Phew!

So where the hell does this lead to?

We were talking to get some things done or at least define the undefined but two equally potent forces working in polar opposite directions at the same time can be catastrophic. So when you are talking to me, who are you really talking to?

The Me I knew to be me? Or the Me who I never knew was really me? The me who you knew of me? Or the Me you never knew was really me?

Gosh…do I even know what I know of myself.

Sorry…what were you saying…?

Cricket's New Darkest Hour

2010-09-03T14:41:00.004+05:30

So the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) has decided to remain undecided about the notorious three accused of spot fixing. Why doesn’t the PCB ever take such things seriously? If you operate in a nation that has been crisis’ poster boy then why would three cricketers trying to make a few quick bucks bother anyone?

This latest piece of a puzzle that has plagued cricket for almost a decade now should, yet again, be the proverbial final nail in the coffin of a mindset that still believes cricket to be a gentleman’s game. More than its players it’s the Pakistan Cricket Board that needs to be taken to task. Players come and go but the suits remain forever and it’s this very mentality that has rendered laws useless. You see the people who run these establishments, especially in the so called ‘emerging cricket powerhouses’ are not sportsmen by any stretch of imagination and yet they could beat you any day of the week and twice on a Sunday. People like the ICC Chairman Elect, Mr. Sharad Pawar are more used to playing the power games in the corridors of Indian politics and you think some thing like a match-fixing row would ever rattle his conscious. When asked if there was any Indian connection in the Salman Butt-Mohammed Asif and Mohammed Amir troika all he mumbled was half-hearted and routine ‘don’t be stupid.’

All right, but what if tomorrow there is an Indian connection found to the whole mess? Trust me but Mr. Pawar won’t look stupid; instead he’ll look at us and smirk as if saying ‘How could you not see this coming’ and ‘I swear I’ll clean this mess up’! In the past as well there have been Indian players like Md. Azaruddin, Manoj Prabhakar and Ajay Jadeja who have been named, banned and honorably reinstated (not specifically in that order) in connection with match fixing but we must realize that cricket is bigger than any controversy. It’s bigger than even Lalit Modi or Jagmohan Dalimya.

It’s only us in India who seem to taking this latest from Pakistan a little too seriously. Of course, the reputation of the game has been tarnished but wasn’t the game disgraced when Shahid Afridi literally ate the ball while tampering with it? Afridi is still the captain of the Pakistan one-day and T-20 side! Asif, who took some money here, has been in the past caught on charges of match fixing and illegal possession of drugs! And if that isn’t enough then Pakistan doesn’t have an option to wicket keeper Kamran Akmal whose name crops up almost like a footnote every time matching fixing or game throwing is mentioned.

There is no crisis big enough for the Pakistan Cricket Board for everything pales in comparison to the darkness that engulfs the very nation. It would be foolish of the fans to think that ICC (it’s not as powerful as they perceive themselves to be) would really push PCB to do some thing. It would be unfair to think that PCB will ban or even drop these three for doing so would mean accepting that some thing’s rotten in cricket Pakistan. Like everything else PCB has asked for more evidence before thinking of taking some action. They have, in the mean time, put together a fact finding team.

So where does that leave cricket and its reputation?

Well, to be honest had this been some other team the threat to cricket’s image would be a little more serious. But who cares about cricketing crisis in Pakistan? Seriously. They weren’t allowed to participate in Champions Trophy and yet the show went on; no one wants to tour them but the cricketing calendar isn’t suffering; we don’t Pakistani players in IPL and IPL’s only gotten bigger since their absence. Do the math.

If one really wants to solve this match fixing issue once and for all then rather than banning a handful of players or legalizing betting, the Pakistan cricket team should be banned for five years! That’s the only way any real impact will be seen. Why do Pakistani players, more than any other cricketing nation, get themselves caught in such situations? The truth be told with no IPL or advertisements or regular cricket these players hardly get an opportunity to make big money. So when someone tells them to deliver a No Ball for a couple of thousands of pounds they see nothing wrong in it. And let’s face it a few years of not playing Pakistan isn’t going to spoil any plans. Radical but not totally impossible.

But who knows maybe clean and honest cricket won’t be so appealing!

This was written for Buzz in Town

The Number Gamers

2010-08-25T09:13:00.008+05:30

With the recent global economic depression still fresh in our memories the realization that the three top people who ‘officially’ run this country are all economists isn’t a pretty thought. The last time these economists were given a carte blanche things really didn’t pan out that well.

The way this government is handling things I’m certain that there are some things that economists can’t do. They simply can’t operate when the results can’t be measured. And how does one measure hunger? Or for that matter how do you measure the anger on the streets of Kashmir, Naxal Jungle or even the Gurgaon-Delhi Expressway? Just take a look around and you’d wonder that how cut off from reality is the troika of economists like Dr. Manmohan Singh, P. Chidambaram and Pranab Mukerjee really is.

There isn’t anything wrong in the Prime Minister thinking of himself as a CEO of this nation but if the company continues to be sick how long can fancy economic terms used to fool. On the one hand the economist PM might not want certain underperforming ministers but accepts them as a flipside of coalition politics but on the other hand he’s just fine with giving a 300% pay hike to these non-performers!

Of course, the tireless threesome, who swear by truth and only the truth that numbers speak, will provide us with all the stats in the world to show how an increase in salary will result in better performance even though arguably a sustained performance should be a prerequisite for any increment! Statistics are some thing that can kill the dead and starve the hungry. Consider this- wouldn’t you prefer to send your child to a school that has a 95% success record as opposed to one with 73.45%? Would you still consider the same if you learnt that the former has 10 students whereas the latter has 3000 students!

The Finance Minister comes from a state that has been consistent in its efforts to stay stuck in the past simply because it was once glorious. He can justify the inflation simply because the numbers demand so. Pranab Mukherjee, who also happens to be this government’s favorite firefighter, tried placating the nation over the price rises by suggesting that an economy that grows at a phenomenal pace like ours will face inflationary situation. I can’t understand what’s the point of a 11.some thing % growth when half the nation is busy figuring out which pothole to avoid! When the opposition informed him that India was apparently shining while they were in power as well, Mukherjee got angry and was fuming as he corrected them that their growth rate was 8.something % and his was better. Way better.

It’s been twenty years since Dr. Manmohan Singh unleashed the economic liberalization upon us and while the journey has been mostly good it wouldn’t be totally incorrect to say that some things have gone wrong as well. Why is so difficult for an economist or a statistician to accept that everything can’t be a foolproof when it comes to numbers? Shouldn’t the need of the hour be to concentrate on areas that have fell short rather than arguing that the glass is, in fact, half full! In the last two decades the new India has grown but it’s not as if the old India ceased to be. What’s the point in having fancy cars when every road is potholed? What’s the idea of having sanitized community living in condominiums when the garbage’s piling up just outside the main gate? What’s the point in enabling the common man to fly at a fraction of what it cost decades ago when airports can’t handle the traffic?

Why are these three so cuckoo about things when even you and I know there is some thing wrong?

The simple answer to this simpler question is that the numbers don’t show it.

The top three are so obsessed with numbers that unless the calculations don’t land us up in Mars they won’t know how off track we really are. In the aftermath of the heinous 26/11 Mumbai attacks the appointment of P.Chidambaram as Home Minister sent out an ‘at least the right noises would be heard now’ kind of reassuring signal. But if you ask why Shivraj You-have-a-problem-with-me-changing-clothes-in-a-crisis Patil, the then Home Minister, is now the Governor of Punjab and R.R. why-sack-me-the-deputy-CM-for-saying-bade-bade-shehron-mein-aisi-chhoti-chhoti-baatein-hoti-rehti-hain Patil is the current Home Minister of Maharashtra then they won’t explain anything.*

Why am I so hell bent on proving these 3 Idiots** are taking us to the cleaners? After all they all seem earnest, don’t they? What else can you expect when the Home Minister of the world’s largest democracy says that his is a thankless job? In a sit down interview Barkha Dutt and Prannoy Roy asked if him in all seriousness (?) if he were ‘enjoying’ being the Home Minister, this is what P. Chidambaram had to say:
Click here for to kill time and read the entire NDTV interview.
There is some thing about people who use numbers to get by in life. They are angry if we don’t take them as seriously as they seem to take themselves. I once had a CA friend open his power point faster than Quick Draw McGraw to explain the sub-prime in the USA and he got angry that I couldn’t understand the simple play of numbers that lead to a global economic meltdown. The head honchos of this nation are angry that while I should be happy that they enabled me to drink Coca Cola, I’m busy suggesting they ain’t fit for the job.
How can I be anything but angry…when they are busy proving the existence of some thing that simply isn’t there? The trio is trying too hard to prove that nothing’s wrong with them or they way they see the world; the fault lies with us.
You see, we just need to change our point of view…
*FYI # 1- The update on sacked Patils. Patil #1 is now completing a no tell all memoirs (why write it then…?) and Patil # 2, who is called a Sharad Pawar in the making (scary sic), is doing his bit for the beleaguered Marathi manoos by brokering a peace deal between the multiplexes and Marathi film producers.
** FYI # 2- 3 Idiots might just be a registered trademark of Vidhu Vinod Chopra.

I lie, therefore I am!

2010-06-30T18:39:00.004+05:30

A recently concluded study has suggested that children who lie are more likely to succeed than the ones who don’t lie. I don’t think there was ever any doubt in that. What’s interesting about this study is that it suggests the sooner a child starts lying, the better for them!

Years of social conditioning and the larger than life looming presence of middle class morality has suggested that perhaps lying isn’t all that wrong. One should lie if one must. Better still if that damn lie is saving someone’s life or making someone happy. Naturally it becomes doubly better if that life happens to yours. After all if Lord Krishna could lie his way through Mahabharat then who are we to question the ways of the universe? These are lies that are, in fact, bigger than the truth.

Why does one lie?

As a child I remember lying at the drop of the hat. These were innocent remodeling of information to make a story or life more interesting. Don’t make too much of. Try growing up in sleepy army cantonments in the 1980’s and you know that bending the truth a little only added color to the otherwise mundane existence. Did my lies hurt anyone? On the contrary, I’m pretty sure they infused excitement.

I guess everyone develops a sense of how things ought to be and hey if one can alter reality to make things better then what’s the harm in fibbing a little. This sparkling ability to feign apparently reveals the presence of a fast developing brain and boy was my brain fast! I’m perhaps the only one from my childhood days who is doing exactly what I set out to do. I must have been in 2nd standard when I realized I wanted to be a writer or a filmmaker. It must have a lot to do with the fact that my maternal grandfather, Arudra, happened to be a celebrated poet, a film lyricist and a literary doyen. So did my wonderful superhero like ability to convincingly lie help me? According to this research it did. Children whose lies are more plausible turn out to be quick witted and have a better ability to think on their feet!

The truth be told- everyone lies. Some years ago people still used to think a few times and worked out a lie in their minds but now it’s all instant. Every time someone calls on the cell the first question they ask is ‘where are you’ and no matter who calls 90% of the time we fib! The problem isn’t in lying but it’s the extent that one can fake. Come to think of it till Satyam Raju was lying to the extent he could handle it we were conferring awards on him, Harshad Mehta was just the thing dreams were made of, David Davidar was a publishing genius, Tiger Wood was the poster boy for world peace, Hansie Cronje was captain courageous but they didn’t know where to stop. Then there are the other lies that are simply unpardonable. OJ Simpson and BMW Nanda lies perhaps became bigger truth than their lives.

But what allows a lie to become a truth?

There is an interesting research that reveals that the human brain is incapable of differentiating between a real experience and an imagined one! Does this recent study merely suggest that a socially acceptable level of lying is good enough? This would boost the confidence, develop cognitive skills but it shouldn’t translate into some thing else...

The line’s too fine and only getting finer. Research or no research social consciousness has started making room for a just a lil dose of that manufactured truth every now and then. We have accepted it just like the hole in the ozone layer and there ain’t nothing one can do anything about it.

Dr Kang Lee, director of the Institute of Child Study at Toronto University who carried out the research believes that, “Almost all children lie. Those who have better cognitive development lie better because they can cover up their tracks. They may make bankers in later life.”

Interestingly such studies and researches allow the wee bit elbow room between Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson. The world might not need so many liars but it needs the bakers and perhaps one needs to figure a middle path but as far as I’m concerned lying might not have made me smarter but it surely made me imaginative!

That helps.

Michael doesn't live here anymore

2010-06-25T16:27:00.004+05:30

The thing about time is that it always seems so long before it’s over and ends up looking conspicuously short once it’s done. In his death Michael Jackson has become a bigger legend that he could ever be when he was moonwalking. It’s a year since the gloved one moved on but strangely it seems like yesterday when the world was shocked by the death of one of the brightest stars. The thing about MJ is that only he could outdo himself and boy did he outdid himself.

Jackson’s life has been the stuff that fables were made of- a child prodigy who bore the brunt of an over-zealous father, a performer who grew bigger than the stage that unleashed him to the world, an artist who could get just about everyone in the music industry to croon to save lives, an enigma who never really understood himself- so was it surprisingly that his death was larger than imagination?

One of the biggest selling recording artists ever, death perhaps has been a blessing in disguise for Jackson. No single artist has been loved and loathed with equal might as much as Michael Jackson. The entire world believed of him as the embodiment of JM Barrie’s Peter Pan, the man boy who lived his childhood through the little children he befriended and treated endlessly in his home, which was not surprisingly christened Neverland Ranch. But that was way before Macaulay Culkin grew up or the first child molestation case was slapped on Jackson.

Suddenly the man in the mirror bore a different reflection. Did Jackson’s successful out of court settlement make people slot the man to whom black or white didn’t matter in a permanent shade of gray? Life is made up such incidents and things would never be the same for the King of Pop. The world around him changed faster any of his steps and his sales dwindled. Additionally his bizarre antics of sleeping in oxygen chambers, endless plastic surgeries and procreating children who weren’t really biologically his didn’t really help the cause.

Michael Jackson was a genius who loved to paint a sorry figure of himself. He reveled in the thought that everyone took pity on him; not that he indulged in such tricks to sell records for lord knows there was never a dearth in the demand of Thriller or Bad or even Dangerous. Just when things couldn’t get any worse Jackson pushed the envelope- he dangled his new born son from a rooftop in Germany and gave journalist Martin Bashir an interview where he pretty much owed up to the things that people feared the most. He told Bashir and the world that he slept with little children and thought nothing of it.

No other public figure has fueled the collective imagination of the people as much as Michael Jackson. A second molestation case, deteriorating fortunes and bad health saw Jackson pretty much hit the very rock bottom. Rumors were afloat that he was on the deathbed in 2007 but he recovered only to find himself bankrupt. Some rich Sheikh from Bahrain gave him enough money and with Neverland slipping away he decided shift to the Middle East. He even converted to Islam and was looking at paying some of his debts with a series of concerts aptly called ‘This is It.’

It had been a long time since Jackson did what he was good at. So long that Messiah of Moonwalk forgot the way he glided but before he could shine under the spotlight once again Jackson passed away.

In true Michael Jackson style he became a bigger legend in his death than he could ever be in his life. His death become a pop cultural phenomenon and on the eve of his first death anniversary Whacko Jacko has sold more than 400,000 albums and saw the world download 2.3 billion of his songs! His estate has earned close to a billion dollars this last year compared to the $19 million he made the year prior to his death and let’s not forget the $500 million debt that he was struggling with.

Death has wiped the slate clean for one of the most convoluted artist of our times. A wise man once said that the bad we do stays back long after we are gone but trust Michael Jackson to do it different. Truth be told apart from the dying thing, Michael Jackson is having a pretty darned good year!

This article was written for Buzz in Town.

Do check out a previous post on Michael Jackson.

Eat, pray and eat more

2010-06-15T13:22:00.004+05:30

Who says Mondays need to be depressing.

Whipped up this wonderfully decadent Turkish Coffee Pudding.

The question we’re asking today…

2010-05-19T23:50:00.006+05:30

Are television debates any good?

I keep wondering about the answer as I endlessly news channel surf everyday. I must confess that I’m a TV news channel freak and there’s nothing else that can get me hooked on to TV. But off lately I can’t help but think that perhaps a ‘serious’ prime time TV news debate is more idiotic than nothing being peddled as breaking news! I mean breaking news can end but a debate can be centered on anything. How many of us can recall the breaking news where Aaj Tak showed a car that, well…drove itself!?

What purpose does a news debate actually serve?

With the Naxals or Maoists or whatever they are being called now days making life hell for just about everyone the news channels are having a field day yakking about them. The other day I actually saw some ‘social activist’ of a lady whose name escapes me (and no it ain’t Arundhati Roy and no I’m wouldn’t shy away from naming her) smiled condescendingly when called a Naxal sympathizer. Arnab Goswami did point out that she doesn’t like being called that but her smile was too flagrant to be avoided. Now all this woman did was talk about the ‘genocidal’ attitude of the Indian ‘state’ and how the actions of Naxals, no matter how bad, couldn’t be compared to the nefarious ones indulged by the law of the land. For two hours across multiple screens everyone who had a tongue spoke some non-sense or the other and in the end a SMS poll informed me that all iz well.

Some times I wonder that such debates are just like the arguments I used to have with my ex-girlfriend. As our relationship was dying we would fight on things that actually didn’t make a lot of sense. She would say some thing totally opposing to what I had said and that was enough to trigger off an argument. We would meet at a point in the evening when she would get free, which may I add could be any time between 8 in the pm to 11 in the pm, and where she would get free, which may I add would be anywhere in the NCR covering a radius of 20 kms, and just start arguing. But the point that I’m trying to make is that we knew, at least I did, that we just had that 45 minutes to an hour long window and no matter what the issue it had to be resolved by the time I dropped her home.

I know you find this analogy extremely asinine but trust me I’m going some where with this theory.

So back to the argument. We would bicker; call names, huff (that would be me) and puff (which would be her as I had quit smoking) all inside the car. But the moment I took the final turn towards the destination things would change. A short period of silence followed till it was broken by a thoughtful sigh and finally one of us would say something filmy like ‘what’s happened to us…’ and then depending on who said that the other would say some thing equally stupid like ‘yeah’. And that was that. We would run out of time to argue so we would resolve the matter. Simply because the same intensity couldn’t be achieved the next time we argued. Did it work?

Of course not!

And that’s the point I was trying to make. Much like my car ride television debates try to get ‘solutions’ to ‘problems’ that have been persisting for decades in a matter of hours. Is it possible? The stupid thing about these debates is that no one takes them seriously. The usual suspects who throng from studio to studio and channel to channel have become so used to these put on debates that they could do this in their sleep. Once I saw Farooq Abdullah ‘live’ on three channels at the same time arguing with same person from the opposition! Hardly any surprise that everything looks the same on these channels, so much so that the guests even end up calling Rajdeep Sardesai ‘Arnab’ and Arnab Goswami is hurriedly addressed as Rajdeep.

No wonder serious debates don’t exist and hardly surprising that these jokers don’t want to debate in the Parliament anymore. It’s a lot like playing for IPL and playing for the country. Why argue in Parliament when you can do that from the comfort of your own home and, in some cases, get paid an appearance fee as well?

Ever wondered why politicians outlive most of us?

You think they have the power to do anything else once they are done ‘arguing’ for the day!?

All Out for No Loss

2010-05-06T10:22:00.005+05:30

If the BJP was once referred to as a party of tentwalahs then VK Malhotra’s got to be its tallest tent pole. I might not be an ardent supporter of BJP but even if I’d be willing to look beyond prejudice then it’s people like Malhotra who force me to be prejudiced.

A few days ago when the sports minister MS Gill came out with a long overdue law that would end the long reign of ‘old’ politicians as the heads of sporting bodies Malhotra was the one whose opposition was the loudest. Not only did he cry foul but had no problem in teaming up with the likes of Suresh Kalmadi and Jagdish Tytler. Malhotra has been heading the, hold your breath, the Archery Association of India for the last 31 years! Suresh Kalmadi, as we all know, is the head honcho of the Indian Olympic Association while Mr. Tytler, when not running away from the law, manages to lead the Judo Federation of India.

How do you know that any proposed law is good for this country?

Simple.

Anything that is vehemently opposed by politicians should be good for this country, which jokers like Malhotra refuse to understand. VK Malhotra is what is wrong with this country. He is so disconnected with the world he lives in that one wonders what the hell is he smoking! His website, yeah he has one and don’t be surprised for if they could get LK Advani to lift weights with people younger than this grandson’s age for a photo-op and demand a television debate then designing a website for VK Malhotra ain’t nothing, pitches him like the only one responsible for anything good in Delhi. Apparently he had sanctioned Rs. 4 crores was back in 1970 to ‘study’ the feasibility of Metro in Delhi. Okay so the BJP sanctioned the project in 1997 but what did they study for the 17 years in between?

Malhotra might have done a lot for Delhi but if one thinks about it he has been in public service from the 1950’s and even if he worked just one day a month that makes him poster worthy. But then my maid can also claim similar glory given 40 years time! He, oops sorry, his website also claims that his monitoring the preparations were the real reason why Indian sportsperson made a killing in the Busan Asian Games and that he is ‘largely’ responsible for getting the Commonwealth Games to India. You see he just got it so Mr. Kalmadi would be responsible for everything that can go wrong with the games.

Suresh Kalmadi is on auto pilot these days for anything you ask him he just says “I promise this would be the best Commonwealth Games ever’ and who is VK Malhotra trying to fool. Limba Ram, one of India’s best archers and the coach of the Indian Archery team, is a three time Olympian and till January 2009 was living in a garage! When confronted Malhotra, the President of the Archery Association of India, said that ‘Government must look into it and raise money for him’. You see he couldn’t do anything or held responsible for Limba Ram has not ‘complained to us at all’. So this is how the Archery Association of India functions, the President has no idea what the hell the coach is going through!?

Anyone who saw the Parliament debate on Indo-US Nuclear deal would recall how the BJP tried pitching VK Malhotra as the next best (wow) thing after LK Advani. The good thing is that more people seem to remember how Malhotra botched things up once BJP revealed that its members were bribed to vote for the government.

It’s not that a politician as the head of Sports body is a wrong idea. Hell in this country you’d find a politician everywhere but where they really need to be. Maybe it’s not a bad idea; if they could just be cordoned off to just the offices they seem to be stuck to the rest of the world would be a better place!

Looking at the number of politicians heading sporting bodies all Gill’s trying to do is get some kind of accountability and what did these idiots do- they called the law draconian and asked Mr. Gill to resign for he was old too. Guys this is just his second stint as the Sports Minister so let’s just hold out breath till a couple of decades before it becomes a reasonable fight! Maybe Gill should check out Malhotra's website where he claims that that the most important lesson he has learnt during his '52 years in public life that there is no short cut to success'. Hang in there Mr. Gill.

Click to get a closer view to stupidity.

Game, Set, Mismatch!

2010-03-31T11:38:00.005+05:30

So this is how Sania Mirza aims to concentrate on her career.

A few months ago she called off her engagement to childhood friend Sohrab Mirza citing that she needs to focus more on her career. What this essentially meant was that prospective husband no. 1 wasn’t too keen on Sania living out of suitcases. Very well. Marriage at the age of 22 wouldn’t have been the ideal bet for a longer career in any case but who am I to comment on the matters of heart or in this case the lack of it.

Anyway just three months into her single status her family has announced her marriage to Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik. No one knew of this alliance in the making and rightfully so. While I think we shouldn’t be interested, the Mirzas and the Maliks might not want media glare. Whom are they kidding? The moment this news broke many TV news channels like Headlines Today who have nothing better to do but post a reporter to stand guard outside the “Mirza house” will latch on to the tale like ants to spilt honey.

I am not a big Sania Mirza fan but couldn’t help end up reading just about every major piece of news dedicated to this event. What I find funny about this whole thing is the crazy timing of the episode. Sania broke off her engagement three months ago and Malik has said that they have been in love for nearly six months!

Hmm…so in essence what prospective husband no. 2 Mr. Malik is suggesting is that Ms. Mirza was cheating on prospective husband no. 1 Mr. Mirza. She was still engaged to him when she supposedly started dating Malik and then decided to concentrate on her career by calling off her engagement to Mr. Mirza, who by the way wanted her to give up tennis but then love blossomed with Malik and now she has decided to concentrate on her career by doing what she though would be detrimental to her career.

Wow.

Why am I obsessed with Sania Mirza and her prospective grooms? Do I even care about the brightest spark in Indian sports hooking up with whatever-his-current-status-in-Pakistani-sporting-echelons Shoaib Malik?

Actually I don’t.

Many journalists and free thinkers thought of Sania Mirza to be the perfect role model for young women across the nation. I, of course, thought of her as confused teenager and a tennis player. Here’s an opportunity to put across my point and like everyone else why would I let go of a chance to gloat! Don’t you find the bevy of expected sound bytes coming out of Sania Mirza’s mouth a testimony of brain going on a holiday? She has (once again) claimed that every girl dreams about this (marriage) and that her marriage would be ‘inshaallah’ the greatest day of her. Well Ms. Mirza has already dreamt of the big day twice in six months. Marriages are fine and can be considered the happiest day but I would have been happier if she had continued top think that winning an Olympic medal would have been the greatest day of her life.

One doesn't really know what it makes people do things till the time you are in their shoes. But one can't really be anyone else no matter how hard you try. It would be easy for someone like me who is merely observing the circus from the fringes to think that women like Sania Mirza are probably doing the wrong thing but who knows the pressure on her. Who knows maybe her family is pushing her into this mess called marriage (sic) but then when some women are fighting the for the cause of Muslim women, the so called role (mis)models shouldn't underestimate their place. Actually Sania Mirza is taking her marriage too seriously or at least the journalists are; she is going crazy trying to clarify that her marriage isn’t a political statement but she would surely hope for Indo-Pak relations to get better. Too late Sania, try explaining this to Shahid Afridi and half of Sialkot!

I might have a problem with arranged marriages but that’s only when they don’t work. The concept has worked wonderfully for many people I know and power to them but there has to be a process about the thing. Malik on the other hand is just tweeting naughty nothings and is busy dodging allegations about his supposed engagement to some Hyderbadi lass and an actress called Sayali Bhagat. Malik apparently married Ayesha Siddiqui on the telephone. Yes. You read it right. One version of the story goes that the girl he met was actually Ayesha’s sister and then was married on the phone to Ayesha who, let’s just say wasn’t the girl he met!

Like I said earlier I’m not a big fan of Sania Mirza or Shoaib Malik and I’m definitely not a great believer in arranged matches both on and off the field. Sania Mirza, of course, believes too much in off field arrangements and Malik, well Pakistan Cricket Board definitely believes in his on field arrangements. Here’s wishing the happy couple perfect happiness!

Unchecking

2010-02-25T23:31:00.004+05:30

Just when you think that the Haryana government can’t come up with some crazy they go all out and surprise you. Everyone from Sun Tzu to Charlie Brown have been urging us to think before we say, gauge before we jump but when it comes to official bodies in India they don’t waste time thinking even after some thing they done backfires. You see thinking is for dummies- why think when you can just do it and the opposite.

Gurgaon police has decided not to check any women drivers in the city. Considering that there is hardly been any case of any rash driving incident with a woman at the steering wheel there seems to be some scientific reason behind this rule. Police Chief Deswal believes that not checking women drivers would encourage them to drive more and as there are “hardly any cases of drink driving or speeding by women, as per (our) records”, this would in turn make the roads safer. I have always maintained that women are safer drivers then men and had even blogged about it way back in 2007 (read it here). Of course, this was before the emergence of Nooriya Haveliwala but I still stand by my belief that women are generally safer drivers.

I’m all too impressed with this initiative. This small step of Gurgaon police is going to be one giant leap for motorists across the city. Think about it- all you need to steer clear (no pun intended) from the greasy traffic cops who are out there primarily to milk you dry is to swap seats with your lady friend. Besides looking cooler with a woman driving the car you don’t have to worry about carrying documents, updating the meaningless-but-cost-you-dearly-if-updated pollution certificates! What’s more you will never be late for any meetings as the woman in the car can merrily jump red signals for no cop will ever come in her way. More over you will always find parking space as the eager parking lot attendants would go out of their way to procure space for her; here I mean the car in good humor!

The police’s major concern is that parents shouldn’t start handing out four-wheelers to under-aged girls. Hmm…yes that’s true but if an entire law can be based on assumptions then police don’t need to worry as under-age driving isn’t some thing that girls fancy; thankfully this is still a boy’s prerogative. Ladies please don’t get me wrong for this ain’t sexist at all. There is great data like police complaints and emergency room medical reports to support that underage driving is still a boys’ domain.

Boys shouldn’t worry for the police isn’t taking away the one sure shot tool to look cool. The world knows how difficult it is to study and get good grades impress the gals! We also don’t want under-age girls to drive for then they will indulge in under-age drinking and then it might lead to under-age activities which would then result in under-age medical complications….wait a minute….this isn’t the point of concern here.

It’s ironic that a state that leads in female foeticide (62,000 sex-selective abortions between 1996-98) now wants to encourage men to follow a good thing done by women! Talk about a full circle. Uncle Deswal is in a hurry to make up and has ensured that this rule will extend to women drivers who drive in Gurgaon from Delhi and other parts of the NCR. Come to boom town for the party’s on!

But don’t go all out while celebrating.

Deswal still doesn’t want you to yak on the phone while driving. He has asked “the traffic police to educate women found using mobile phones while driving. And Deswal doesn’t want a repeat of Nooriya here in Gurgaon and has insisted that that if the case is serious then no leniency would be displayed no matter what which woman hit the pedal to the metal. I have since updated the grand list of ambiguous statements made by people in high places and can’t help but ask who the hell will define serious!

Work in Progress

2010-01-16T11:08:00.004+05:30

It’s a little crazy that every New Year’s we hope for things to change. I was at a cigarette kiosk the other day picking up a pack of smokes for my father. The guy behind the counter knew me since my cigarette smoking days so I ended up indulging in a conversation.

I asked the guy if things were good. He shrugged. Continuing to go along his routine he smiled and said that it’s just the 9^th of the first month of the New Year. I was allowed to think during the brief period of silence that ensued. Unable to comprehend what the hell did the 9^th of January signify I gave up. He decided to end the torture and told me that people make resolutions of giving up smoking every year but by the third week of January things get back to normal.

I realized that the done deal of trying and changing…make a serious effort and even if you failed you can be happy that you tried will never leave us. Last year I thought that getting a chance to reset some thing to factory settings is a nice way of telling one’s self that things will return to innocence. But hoping to turn a new leaf every time a new year commences is perhaps only more normal than things getting back to routine, however good or bad.

If last year thing time it were the Satyam Rajus who were forced to get off the tiger that they weren’t meant to ride, this year it’s the Prime Minister who is doing strange things with your money. For those who are not in the loop the grand daddy of Bengal Jyoti Basu is fighting the battle of his life. No it’s Mamta Banerjee who is at it again; Mr. Basu’s health is deteriorating with each word that I type. The Prime Minister not only flew down to Kolkata to ‘call on’ the Big Kahuna of the Indian Communists using the tax payer’s money, he took the Union Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee and West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee along. The PM spent 20 minutes in the hospital and left only when the doctors treating the 95 year old patriarch of Indian politics (sic) assured him that they would act upon the PM’s offer to fly in experts from other parts of the nation to treat Mr. Basu, if the need be. The PM also wished for Mr. Basu’s speedy recovery when he was speaking to the ex-CM’s son.

Is this a joke?

At the cost of coming across as someone who is unmoved by human hardships didn’t the PM having some more pressing matters of the state to attend to instead of flying to Kolkata? Mr. Basu is 95 years old and as far as things go people are bound to face health problems at that age unless you are Dev Anand. I’m sure the PM would have loved to chat up with Mr. Basu and learn a thing or two about politics but Mr. Basu was in coma when the PM dropped in.

I was so surprised by this visit of the PM that it took me some days to get over it. I thought about it for hours and tried to figure out why the PM would do such a thing? I think that the PM, a man of excellent scientific reasoning, loves the idea of time travel. For anyone who has visited Kolkata in the recent past or eons ago loves that the city is stuck in the 1980’s while the politicians of the state called it Kolkata’s ‘character’! The state is in shambles, the industry there is dying, the future of their films depends on Rituporno Ghosh but that still doesn’t make the powers be in Bengal to do some thing for the common man. I am sure that many official decisions would have to wait till ahem…you know what I mean…for people are busy.

PS: I just got to know that play list for the Indian Air Force One include the latest hits of KL Saigal and Kishore Kuamr’s Koi Lauta De Mujhe Mere Beete Hue Din. My feeble attempt at translation- Oh how I wish someone got back my glory days…

PPS: If anyone of you is offended by the post and would lovingly sign any letter of apology as soon as you get the same from the 8 people who left a comment on the article mentioned above.

Image Courtesy: www.wondermark.com

Auto Exposed

2010-01-09T12:30:00.006+05:30

If the first few days of this year are any indication then things are only going to get more cuckoo with the passage of time. Usually it’s during April that the euphoria surrounding the New Year wears off and things get ugly but if progress is some thing to go by we don’t have to waste four months. As usual I’m a little miffed with a lot of things. But am I really shocked?

No.

I'm now used to the same old tale. Another year… the same old surprises. Consider the 10th anniversary of the premier auto fare of this country, The Auto Expo. It’s been 20 years since the only (not so sure but what the heck) auto show of India and the chaos it beings stills surprises many. Even after two decades no one has done anything about it. Every alternate year it’s nearly impossible to travel around Connaught Place during the first week of January thanks to the Expo.

Whenever there is a talk about disparity with regards to age I try and conjure up images. If I get to know that a 22 year old woman is interested in a 40 year old man I can’t help but thing that when the girl was a toddle her mother could have told this man, all of say 18 at that time, to take care of baby while she took a break! The first time the Auto Expo happened someone carried an infant in his arms to check out the latest in world of automobiles. Some years later the kid would have picked up brochures from all the stalls and a couple of years later he would have ogled at the, what shall I call ‘em, the MotorGals! At the lat Expo he would have lied to his girlfriend and checked out the Nano launch and now he would be rushing through the stall to meet her at a coffee shop in so-near-yet-so-far CP!

Why do I think so much about this boy’s life….?

Can you imagine an entire generation has grown up in front of the traffic police’s eyes and yet they haven’t been able to ease the Auto Expo’s complimentary traffic snarls? The last time I braved the Auto Expo was in 1998. Two of my friends were working there- one made a cool packet at Toyota while the other was with a spare part manufacturer and gifted me a screwdriver set which is still functional! The sheer volume of people and the craziness they indulged in was too much to handle. The remnants of the impact impinged my future visits to exhibitions of any kind for the next decade. I saw grown up men get gooey in front of a bike stall, rich businessmen who wanted to book the next big thing cash down and many who just checked out the women standing next to the car. A friend reminded me that they aka authorities were planning to shift the Expo to Dwarka or Rohini. It’s not a good enough thought for a country where planning is only limited to plans.

Why not get all the vehicles on exhibit out on the streets and let people see them in full glory. After all the Auto Expo has are more vehicles on display outside the venue and more people inside the expo!

The Making of a Maoist

2009-11-01T12:38:00.007+05:30

This whole Maoist and Naxalite thing is turning out to be too crazy. Earlier in the week I was at one of those la-di-da places in Khan Market exchanging ideas over a working lunch. Someone mentioned some thing about how someone becomes a Maoist. This simple stupid thing changed the very course of the conversation thereon. The fact that everyone present, including yours truly, had theorized similar questions a million times in their heads made the whole exercise more interesting. In addition to a hypothesis, all of us had suggestions that would shame the authorities engaged with such groups.

This Maoist thing isn’t funny anymore. Of course, before you coil up at the very mention of funny and Maoists in the same breath, may I say that I never thought of it as ha-ha funny in any case. The simple fact of the matter remains that there is amazing disparity amongst us Indians. It was always there. In the past the oppressed made peace with the fact that perhaps the white man is behind all this and if god were to come down things would be better off. Sorry. God’s dead. Or maybe he’s really busy. The brown man descended but discovered he could play God and went around plundering just about everything and every one in sight. The oppressed still didn’t know what to do. Someone should have told him to be careful of what you ask for. Initially he thought the white man don’t speak the same language so perhaps he won’t comprehend what was wrong. Now that he has someone who spoke the same tongue, he was kindly told there ain’t nothing wrong. Amidst all this some dudes get together and decide that enough’s enough. They take up arms against their own who now run things for they are just not concerned about the oppressed.

Simple. Not really. Forty years later, the state still hasn’t done enough for the people for whom the dudes took up arms. But things aren’t that black and white anymore. Anyone who has a little more knowledge than me about the whole thing would know that the oppressed is still stuck in between. If they defy the Maoists they had it and if they defy the state they are branded as co-conspirators. The so called modern Robin Hood figures who once claimed to represent the dispossessed of Indian society, particularly the indigenous tribal groups, were dismissed as a ragtag band of outdated dreamers. Many intellectuals and even politicians once sympathized with their cause, but their brand of violence has forced the majority to think whether they can still be tolerated. (Here’s a link to an article in New York Times which will simply explain the issue).

Back to the fancy lunch. We talked for a while and I realized that the mere existence of the small city person within us isn’t enough. We all shook our heads and followed the cues like trained actors on some stage by letting out heartfelt voices at the right time. We couldn’t believe why the hell was it so difficult to do the right thing- just provide for the people. Man! If we could understand it over a lunch what’s stopping the government of India from doing it.

Is this where the problem lies?

Just because I can convince myself that I’m a good listener to someone riling their heart out doesn’t make me understand the person better. And just because I intersperse the session by letting a word of advice escape my lips doesn’t make me a better person. I listen simply because the other person is talking. But more importantly I listen for someone might have heard me out some time. Worse still I listen because once you are done you might hear me out.

By the time I got out of the joint I realized, once again, that having one’s heart in the right place might be a good thing but that’s just a start. The problem with most of us residing in mega cities is that the simple desire to believe that we able to understand the other person’s problem is reason enough to not do anything else. Now just apply this to the state. Now we know why people are still dying of hunger. Why floods in one state and drought in the other is not affecting me as I watch a documentary on Hurricane Katrina.

Someone needs to do the needful.

Things I think about when I think of my stolen car...

2009-09-14T18:27:00.000+05:30

Since my car was stolen I’m looking at things in a new light. One of the troubled areas this incident opened up would be my take on things. For some years now my brother has been trying to convince me that I’m a cynical prick whose pastime is to go on bursting bubbles. He’s not entirely off the cuff but the poor fellow is busy trying to convince me of something that I’m fully aware of. Although at times I might garb it with much sincerity to pass it off as extreme realism, it still is cynicism.

I can’t help. Can you with so much so stupidity around?

I guess the bigger thing that has come under the microscope since someone whacked my car is my personality. A few years ago I realized the importance of being cool. I realized that the only way to survive the non-sense is to be calm about it. Now I’m so unruffled, more often than not, that some times people don’t take me seriously. I’m not worried about the car getting whacked. I know I’m insured and more importantly my paperwork is right up there. So I jump three steps and grasp that after all the ranting I will thank destiny, praise the heavens and move on with life. The fact that I jump three steps doesn’t really go down well with people like Gurgaon’s finest- the police aren’t moved enough to lodge my FIR on day 1 of the incident. Maybe I’m not perturbed enough. On day 2 the insurance agent pushes the meeting by a day for maybe I’m not concerned enough. You get the picture!

So does being cool help?

What’s the point in being a dartboard for people to test patience levels with? I’m sure that work would happen if you get angry or stay hungry but isn’t the whole purpose of doing some thing then going out of the window. OK once upon a time people got really angry and the system rattled. I guess people are not getting angry enough these days.

A few days ago my brother mentioned a gentleman who has made his millions (inherited, maybe, I don’t recall) and now suggests meditating as a weapon of choice to combat the ugly truth of the world. Impressed as one should have been at this display of cultivated coolness, I lost a part of mine. My point being one should try to be all things calm in the center of the storm and not in some picturesque hill side town.

Now, since my car got stolen I know why the gentleman from the hills was so calm. It’s a natural reaction when you have your bases covered. After all wasn’t this that very thing which pissed the police about my functionality.

Dude, Where's my car!?

2009-08-28T08:44:00.002+05:30

I have joined a rare breed of people whose car has been stolen. No one I knew has ever lost a car. Till last week the biggest thing I ever lost was a cellphone. I really liked that cell-phone and it got stolen from the guard’s desk late at night where I was working. Yes, there are things about me that you still don’t know.; I once worked in a regular office. You know how it feels when you lose a cell-phone. So in effective I should have been angry and sad about the loss of my car.

Strangely I wasn’t.

Nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of a stolen car. This is thing that you have always heard about so you think you know how to react but you don’t. It was 4 in the pm and I was feeling lousy so I decided to venture out to a café. Maybe working from a coffee shop wouldn’t put me to sleep. I went to the market that I have been frequenting for the last five years; I parked the car almost ritualistically in the same lane where it saw the passage of time. I returned in half an hour and was talking on the phone to the girl from my cell-phone company when I realized that the spot where I had left my car was, well…empty.

Hmm.

OK. I asked myself could I have forgotten where I’d parked my car.

Nope.

Perhaps the police towed the car?

Nope. The three traffic constables stationed just fifteen feet from my car duly informed me the cops don’t tow vehicles from that lane.

Did I give the keys to someone and maybe they took the car?

Nope. I’d remember that. I was having coffee and not vodka!

By this time a driver standing next me decided that I should get proactive and go to the nearest police station. The traffic police, of course, weren’t interested. Their rationale was this wasn’t a paid parking or a safe parking (one that is inside the walls of any shopping complex, free or otherwise) and they quickly forgot that hundreds of cars where parked in the same lane as mine. I walked to the local police station who told me to go to the other one. I went. One constable from there took me along as he scouted the area. Finally I called 100 and in three minutes after that I was one of those whose car got stolen.

As the hours ticked away I started recalling what all I lost with the car. I had an original small sized Coca Cola green bottle which was now a collectible, DVDs of nearly 40 episodes of the soap on which my new UNICEF project is based on, fifteen classic audio cassettes and an old and tattered pair of jeans. But the thing I missed the most was the laptop charger which was in the car. The damn thing costs more than two thousand rupees to get a spare one!

The fact that three more cars were stolen from the same area on that very day isn’t enough to make me believe that someone whacked the car from a bust road in the middle of the afternoon in less than thirty minutes. That explains why the cops didn’t register my case on the same day. Like I said nothing can prepare you for the loss of a car…I still think I might have parked it someone else and it would show up.

Positively negative...

2009-08-16T18:19:00.005+05:30

That the world is a funny place is old story now. The other day while talking to my script supervisor I was told to look at the positive more than the negative. This made me think. I always thought of myself to be a positive person, cynical, realistic to the level of sounding pessimistic notwithstanding I never thought that I suggest the negative.

The show that I am working on now is a strange, for the lack of any other word, mix of soap and messaging. A few years ago when I wrote an episode about an HIV positive girl who fights for her right to education for a law series called Siddhant, I never thought much of it. A million rewrites later I had lost interest in the story and perhaps that was a good thing. The episode turned out to be one of the better ones and it garnered an Emmy nomination for the show as well. For years I have been asked how did I manage to mix messaging in popular fiction but the truth of the matter is I have no idea.

Anyway now when my supervisor commented on the writing she said that I should focus on the positive aspect of the message. She argued that my writing talked about the bad that could happen if one doesn’t follow ‘rules’ as opposed to saying ‘see the good that came out of doing what was told’. Normally I would think nothing of it but now that I blog and have a ‘social’ responsibility to update people about whatever the hell is happening in my life, I couldn’t help but ponder.

Is it better to be a foolish optimistic or a sensible realist? What is about me that makes me look at the exit route before taking the turn in? As a child I would always scout the off button before switching anything on. Is aimless positivity a good thing as it would help you overcome all the obstacles and roadblocks of life?

Okay too many questions. But then what could I do, whom could I turn to? My life is currently divided into two groups of people- one who ‘believe’ in me to the extent of convincing that it’s the weather that’s making me think like this while the others would just say yes but what about it? So I had to look elsewhere.

I googled.

What I found was interesting. New non-sense has come to light and it seems that positive thoughts are bad for low self esteem. Yeah. According to The Economist thinking positive will just result in feeling bad, of course in some cases. So being a cynic and looking at the worse that could happen and then just back up a bit isn’t all that bad. I thought about this and realized that not many people would agree with me. This seems like a very television thinking- focus on getting the job done. But wasn’t a good plan today better than a perfect plan tomorrow? I wanted to argue my point out and let it reach millions. Hey if the damn thing worked for why wouldn’t it work for some poor soul in one of the country’s million villages?

Apparently it don’t work that way. In any case now that I know I was right.

I can make it.

Focus.

I can move mountains, grab the stars.

Focus.

I’m good.

Oops…

Pitch!

2009-07-30T19:08:00.005+05:30

Have you seen how things or places that say they bring world class services to India usually show some foreigner enjoying the arrival? Doesn't this go against the very purpose of the argument? Not that I am a great fan of Mukul Keshavan's take on Indians and especially males but let's face some facts here- why would you show an Indian enjoying some thing that is already normal to him? If someone said in the 1980's that they got authentic Chinese food one would laugh first and in case if you survived the scare and tried what was being offered you'd have gone, 'Hmm...Maybe this is Chinese.' Not anymore.

If you want to show something international at an intersection near me then please put a face that I can identify with. Look at this picture from Vatika Group's website about an Italian restaurant in Gurgaon. The only person in the pictures is far from what you'd expect. Why? Every time I see some builder talking about world class amenities in the neighborhood residential complex they show me happy foreigners. This has become so natural now that no one notices anymore. Sharda University- and you thought nothing could beat Lovely Professional University...well think again. Anyway Sharda's top brass is all gora. They got foreigners, I can live with it; the foreigners are doing radio spots urging you to come to Sharda, I can still live with it but what I can't get over is an individual calling himself an international marketing guru who believes in Sharda. Here's Johnny now!

There is some really bizarre about 90% of Indian adverts. I don't know how we end up winning the Golden Lions or Silver at Cannes on a regular basis. Have you seen any of the motorbike ads? They all look the same boys’ fantasies being lived by men. Of course, it's utterly simple to sell a bike that way but I'm just thinking aloud here. We were at the receiving end of the Aussie brunt when it came to Indian students. Imagine the Nivea fairness cream ad where you have three foreigners including Matthew Hayden who is dumb stuck as the local lad walks away with the girl. Subtle, eh? Telling the gora that we can beat you in, no pun intended, all fairness? What I don't get in the advertisement is that the dude’s claim to fame is family business. I'd think twice about a gal who walks with you for your family business pal.

I once read a book called Life's Pitch and loved the way it got a simple change in my attitude. Pitch is what makes all the difference. All around us there are numerous examples of crazy people. It takes all kinds to run the world you say but I think it's time some of them were given a break. Who is going to listen to Maneka Gandhi the next time she pleads some poor animals case when her son is allegedly off to do away with an entire community. Without being too generous to Ms. Gandhi...I propose Sundays off for the Vodafone mutt!

Image: Vatika Group

Total Eclipse

2009-07-22T10:17:00.002+05:30

That photo of foreign tourists making a beeline to the campsite to observe the solar eclipse got me thinking. Is it that the average Indian is a bore who won’t make any effort to see some thing like a phenomenon or just that we have seemingly better things to attend to. I mean there were Indians too who made an effort to see what was termed the eclipse of the century; which troubles me as the bloody century is only nine years old, but it didn’t look like they were half as crazy as the foreigners.

If I scratch deeper I might come up with a couple of reasons why we don’t make the effort but that would be largely about me. I, for one, won’t make half the effort for a quarter of the things that happen around me. Don’t get me wrong I have put in gargantuan thought to numerous things like meeting up with people who bore the hell out of me, doing things in the name of charity, showing up at places where “people” expect you to be but that was a thing of the past. I’m a firm believer in doing exactly what you feel needs to be done. Some times you learn from experience and mostly bad experiences but you do get my drift.

Now the question that boggles me is that does this transformed approach seep in to other facets of one’s life? Some months ago I was enjoying a nicely made Som Tum or Raw Papaya Salad. As I munched on the Thai goodie I wondered if some crazy American were enjoying it he’d have packed his bags and gone off to Thailand to learn the damn thing. In addition he’d have written a book on how to live life in the slow lane and enjoy every sickening moment. I went back and checked out the salad on the Internet and Google taught me everything I needed to know about raw papayas. As I sat through I couldn’t help but wonder, was it that simple now?

Had we started living so many armchair experiences that perhaps reality didn’t matter?

If not Thailand I could have gone to some fancy Thai joint and tried to do some thing about my extreme fascination with raw papayas. There are so many things that one wants to do before cashing out. Perhaps racing the Monaco Grand Prix, live like a recluse in some Japanese village, work on an oil rig, race snow dogs or whatever the hell they are called in Siberia, cross imaginary boundaries like some whacked out spy or maybe even go a Walkabout…no not really. But thanks to Hollywood I don’t mind missing out on eclipses now. I have had it with people gushing about F1 so that takes care of my need for speed. I read Pico Iyer and didn’t enjoy his time out in some obscure part of Japan, so Soyanara it is. Hmm…I should stop being a tourist!

By the way do try the Raw Papaya Salad…it was worth the thoughts!

Of Anger and Michael Jackson

2009-07-08T17:36:00.006+05:30

Some think that I get angry too often. But that isn’t the problem. What irks them is that I usually don’t need any reason to get angry. Of course, I don’t agree. I believe that my cynicism permeates through and comes across as anger. I used to get angry about a lot of things. Since I quit smoking, been three years, things have been different for me. If you ask me now days I just don’t get as pissed off as I used to in the late 1990’s. I got angry last night. I was trying to catching something on the TV to put me to sleep. I could have finished the Elmore Leonard that I am sifting through these days but the lure of the idiot box was too strong. I switched it on and saw people eulogizing Michael Jackson on seven out of the ten odd channels that I frequent. I would have endured it but I lost on Stevie Wonder, Kobe Bryant and the others talking about the gloved one. Instead I saw one big boned African American woman, whom no one knew (she introduced herself as Congresswoman from some state, yak yak, yak) talk about MJ. Not only that she finished her ten minutes of stage time and actually saluted the departed!

No one talked about the nut job that Michael J. had become and why would they. Isn’t it funny that even hushes tones were amiss when he started transforming into a freak show in the mid 1980’s. Its one thing to separate the man from his crime and think of him in objective terms but even in his bizarre death no one said that he should have been chastised when his skin started turning white. Peter Pan syndrome anyone...I think he was more like Pinocchio replete with the nose and all. I loved his music. I still feel happy when Beat It plays some where. I can’t help but tell anyone who’s standing next to me that Eddie Van Halen played the crazy riff on the number or how Martin Scorsese directed Bad or how one watched the video time and again to spot Wesley Snipes but the fact remains that the man was a nut job. How screwed up was he that he actually has white children- not his sperm; the surrogate mother didn’t contribute anything besides her womb; the kids look as lost as any white child would be in a non-white part of the town.

But the changed man that I am, I started to look for something good in the bad. Let’s see. The Staples Center where the memorial was held looked like some part of Gurgaon. Don’t get me wrong even my friend agreed and she knows places. OK. Let’s see…hmmm yeah OK…it’s good that MJ passed over or else he’d have suffered more. But does that count when you do crazy things without coercion? Oh we’re looking for the goods. Yeah! I still have the original Thriller LP from my father’s collection. It’s in mint condition and a friend thinks that ebay needs to be graced by a visit. If watching reruns of Friends wasn’t enough seeing people talk about Michael Jackson as if he didn’t do anything crazy was strange. For a minute there I thought he’d almost moonwalk his way out of the coffin…

What We See

2009-06-29T09:50:00.003+05:30

A French signpost in the what was the Haryana hinterland a few years ago...

The heat's foing crazy things.

Where's the Party?

2009-06-24T10:08:00.003+05:30

Things can be so different in places. Some time ago when I was in Bombay I saw and learnt how different cities have different takes on different things. In Delhi it’s all about going out. You can decide what place to meet, what route to take, where to park; once you are at the designated place you can decide what place to sit, what to drink, what not to drink, what to eat and what not to eat. Whilst you do all that there must also be a consensus about what to talk about. I have noticed that it’s usually everyone talking at the same time about the same thing. To an outsider it may seem like people in Delhi always talk about politics or cricket.

This doesn’t happen in Bombay.

A few days ago while I was there I saw the difference. In Bombay people meet people at their homes. If you were to do this in Delhi you’d be sending out a signal that you have grown up. People drop in, have a quick shower, spray generous quantity of deodorant and then pour a drink or two. By now the traffic outside must have died down, which means it’s time to hit the roads. Of course the place to go would be half way across town or 10 kilometers (which in traffic terms means ‘oh god’). Don’t worry by now you are insulated enough to take it on. You take an auto for it’d be faster than a cab and in any case the second half of the journey would translate into a cab. Some times you’d make a pit stop at some booze shop, concoct your poison by mixing carbonated water with what you pick up and return to the cab- you are going to meet friends and have a nice time and not to pay the skies for a drink. Once you have reached the joint which has been carved out of some dilapidated mill it’s imperative that you enjoy. Bombay night outs are not just about ‘having a good time’ or ‘I don’t mind it’, once you put in so much of effort you need to enjoy. Ain’t no 11pm cut off going to stop you here.

You don’t talk much while partying in Bombay. I mean unless you want to talk shop, network what’s the point of talking. And how can someone hear you if the music is loud enough to wake up the dead. So no cricket and no politics. Cricket talk is usually relegated to Sachin Tendulkar, Zaheer Khan or Rohit Sharma. In case you talking IPL and you are in Bombay then the Mumbai Indians are your team. No they are not scared of Raj Thackeray, they just like Tendulkar in any form so he could be playing for Dhobi Ghat XI and what do you, you could be cheering the Dhobis! As for politics...ah let that be. It's the fools in Delhi that run the country and Maharashtra, remember we are here to have a great time!

Once the night’s been called, usually around 2pm, you take some more time to gather your bearings and if you happen to know the band you take about an hour. By now in case you are wondering what’s next life finds a way and the effort to complete the circle are set into motion. Living it up on a Saturday night can’t end on a Sunday morning- it must go on for a little longer. One of the people would suggest innocuously why not drop in at their place. This place would be mid point between where you are and where you want to go. So the word would spread amongst the remaining people that the party’s moving to so and so’s place. Everyone would scurry around the few taxis that are parked outside the place, make plans who’s going in which one with whom. The taxi ride would be…well the wee hours of morning make every place look surreal. By the time you reach the place you realize that perhaps it’d be best to return to the base. Off you go again. By the time you return it’s almost 7 in the AM and you have partied really long. Me being from Delhi and the so called ‘outside’ here realized it was not all that bad. I had a crazy time. I didn’t mind it; in fact I had a good time.

Wait.

This isn’t enough. Someone partied all night to ensure things were great and me going ga ga over a good time. I had a GREAT time. I must say seeing the sun come up had nothing much to do with it.

Bored of Majumdar

2009-05-05T11:20:00.002+05:30

Is it really very difficult to choose a side and stick to it? Are people becoming increasing sensitive to the people who are sensitive to just about everything? Is this why anything that comes for public consumption tries to appease everyone dead or otherwise?

Boria Majumdar is one such person who is every toasted slice of breads worst nightmare. The guy happens to be a ‘cricket historian’ (whatever the hell that means) at least that’s what the by-line or the super on his face or voice whenever he graces the idiot box informs me.

Boria Majumdar is passionate. Perhaps a little too consumed by passion for my liking but then I yam who I yam remember. I find faults with everyone and more so when I look at the man in the mirror but then you’ve been tortured for too long now. You have learnt to accept me in whatever form I come in but why is that I don’t seem find it in me to extend the same courtesy to people like Mr. Majumdar. For starters this guy is like Karina Kapoor or Isha Kippokar when it comes to choosing a name. Majumdar has a few set lines like anyone who follows cricket- Sachin is the greatest butIndia has never seen anyone like Rahul Dravid for Ganguly is the real hero. What gets my goat about people like Boria Majumdar and others who respond to the same roll call is that these people choose their stands depending on what channel they are on. Just going through his article on IPL’s second edition in two publications makes one think no wonder toasts hate Majumdar for he butters every corner of both sides.

Keeping in mind the profile of Tehlka and its People’s Magazine image, Majumdar finds it surprisingly easy to crib about the functioning of IPL. He has a problem with the seriousness of the gentleman’s game being diluted with tactical breaks. He goes on to say that the IPL, eventually, is a cricket tournament and all the fan-fare and entertainment are mere sidekicks. Unless the cricket is of the highest quality and unless its sanctity is maintained, the tournament runs the risk of turning into a one-year wonder. Didn’t you notice this the last time around with the cheer leaders!? Or Citi Moment of success? Even people like Harsha Bhogle can’t decide who are they when they say certain things. Some years ago when an entertainment channel got the rights to telecast cricket over a dedicated sports channel, Mr. B. came went on to say if cricket ain't a joke then why are jokers torturing us? But when Lalit Modi came up with IPL and the dancing gals then the sameBhogle went over the top with 22,000 words a minute expressing how wonderful this boost has been for cricket!!

Back to Boria. A few days later the gentleman gets an opportunity to write for Times of India’s center page and he does a 360 degree turn and stops at 180 degrees. For TOI he says that no matter who wins the second edition, cricket will be the winner. He hoes and hums about Lalit Modisaving the world from total annihilation largely because he took the IPL to South Africa; how organizing IPL in less than three weeks will help boost South Africa’s image as a global sports destination. He then lambasts the Aussie Davis Cup team for not coming to India due to security concerns but forgets that IPL was shifted because the government told Ms. Modi and Company-He-Keeps that they won’t give extra security cover due to the elections. He also forgets to write thatSouth Africa went to polls during the darned IPL.

Boria Majumdar if you think that with T20 already having carved out its own niche among the youth, cricket, thanks to the IPL, is the biggest gainer, then this has happened due to the dancing girls, tactical breaks and Lalit Modi’s stupid statements like FIFA should learn how to set up an international event in less than three weeks.

By the way maybe Majumdar makes sense. His views might be his but a 'Dr.' before his name and him being a fellow of La Trobe University, Melbourne, kind of adds some zing to it. Don't you think so?

But seriously man, choose a side and for a change stick to it.

Image Courtesy: www.latrobe.edu.au

Young India

2009-04-15T11:33:00.004+05:30

With the elections around the corner you'd be hearing a lot of mindless talk about how India is getting younger with each passing day and the likes.

Here's how I realized India is getting younger...and no it's got nothing to with young turks in Parliament and old men becoming younger and young India needing older leaders and an old India in urgent need of young visionary leaders....

A few elections ago a certain Jayalalitha held the ace now it's Mayawati who might swing the fate of this nation. From Amma to Bhenji...of course this country is getting younger.

Help me find more signs of reverse age....throw up your ideas please. It's an election after all!!

Where Are You?

2009-04-09T09:47:00.001+05:30

Many things have changed since cell-phones took over our lives. I always wondered how nice times used to be before the damned phone. One of the things to change since the mobile make-over is the first line while we speak. The moment hellos and his are dealt with the first question is ‘Where are you’? Whatever the hell happened to how are you, what are you up to….no where the hell are you! So as an off shoot of this has been the increase in lying capacity of people. As a defense mechanism, for the lack of any other term, I end up telling my location but not revealing it. I’ll say I’m in Delhi. Of course I am in Delhi; for those who don’t traverse inter state on a daily basis Delhi is Delhi and Gurgaon is Haryana. But some times Gurgaon is Delhi too. I don’t want you to know where I’m or what I’m up to.

Could this be true then…this generation lies more than the previous ones? I mean there are signs of the same in everything you do. You don’t reveal your location on a phone call, you don’t want to ‘archive’ the gmail chat, most of the times you are ‘invisible’ on gmail…why do we do it? One of my friends says this way he can be there and yet not be there so he won’t be disturbed. OK. But weren’t we supposed to be people who unlike our parents were direct in communicating? Yeah but does that work? Have ou tried telling someone that you don’t wish to be talk- try it and see how they will mend the fences! The simpler and easier the tools of communication become the harder it seems to keep in touch.

Even some of us who first make such tools to be incognito come up with devices that will be like a lie detector strapped to your body. Google Latitude for instance. This freaky thing will tell you the location of your friends (gmail contacts) in real time. Combined with Google Maps, Latitude reveals the friend as a blinking dot on the map of the city (provided they are online using a laptop or a cellular phone with GPRS) and track their movement. I mean if you are online and take a left turn as you exit from Barista Vasant Vihar and move towards Priya Cinema via Chocolat, Sony World, La Marchie, Arabian Nights and the Timex Showroom as you check out the window display of Fact and Fiction! Of course Google will put funny lines like ‘My wife is on her way back I better start preparing dinner’ on it’s website to pitch it. See the thing for yourself here. Don’t fret you can tinker around with the settings and ‘hide’ your location.

I better update my facebook profile and status message if I want to keep in touch with friends. On second thoughts RUN GAUTAM RUN! On second second thoughts YOU CAN’T HIDE GAUTAM.

Silent Guns

2009-03-05T10:13:00.002+05:30

Now that the elections dates have been announced this whole tamasha of young ‘turks’ gracing the 14th Lok Sabha will finally rest. Even if Naveen Jindal, Sachin Pilot, Jyotiraditya Scindia, Milind Deora and Rahul Gandhi were to lose their seats, which keeping their track record in mind shouldn’t be the case, they will never be called young guns anymore. Track record, did I say that? Oh sorry it must be their youthful exuberance that might just get their seats back for they really didn’t do anything. Did they?

It’s no secret that these blokes got where they got thanks to the famous surnames. Agreed that they are educated, can hold a conversation, will make many a reporters (male and female variety) swoon but besides their papa’s names what else have they got to show? In the last five years they were the ones who were poised to take the country to new heights, free us from the evil perils of ageless politicians…well okay they were just supposed to raise a few points every now and then. Oh come on they were just supposed to inspire the youth of this nation to get a little more proactive. Have they succeeded? The proof of the pudding lies in the eating and now as accounts of the last five years are being closed they really don’t have anything to talk about. A recent article in the Economic Times sums up their performance in Lok Sabha and doesn’t give them high marks.

Do we have a problem with them gracing the page three parties more than center page or front page? Do we feel like they haven’t done anything worthwhile besides being mute spectators? Is it that they couldn’t do anything or they weren’t allowed to do anything? If one looks back at what happened in the last twelve months, leave alone the other four years of the government’s tenure, none of these so called young guns fired. Take the Mangalore pub attack; none of them said anything, no reactions. They are fine with the idea of pubbing themselves as it’s a ‘normal’ thing to do and by god they are normal aren’t they but when it comes to making a statement they just refuse to speak up. Let’s take the overnight sacking of the Jet employees. Nothing. The only time one of them said something was in the aftermath of the 26/11 Bombay attacks. There too Mr. Rahul Gandhi quoted the obvious to death. Well I don’t blame him. Considering that that his sister was watching the proceedings from the gallery and he had to retort to rhetoric of the attack being aimed at every Indian and not just the unlucky few who were in the direct line of fire.

Do we really place too much emphasis on the youth? A Barack Obama is just forty-eight and so he can get a fresh perspective. If that be the stupid assumption then Gandhi (38), Jindal (38), Scindia (37), Deora (33) and Pilot (32) should be the solution to all our problems. Wait they are just the Congress...hmm…and mummy Sonia doesn’t let them talk unless they are talking about Rajiv Gandhi or the party. Ok what’s the way out? Obama used the internet and the gen-next and after that’s tools to galvanize an entire people. These guys use PDA’s and mobiles to text where to meet in the evening or fwd messages that mock Raj Thackeray. The Economic Times got all these MP’s to be the guest editors for a day; see for your self what these guys think of the nation. These guys do believe in their ideas and they have their facts right….but some times getting the facts and numbers correct seems enough.

Trying the young isn’t enough….the young didn’t try enough.

Natural Vs. Man-Made

2009-02-25T22:34:00.002+05:30

Almost everyone would agree with the notion that getting any award doesn't suggest anything more than the fact that you were the 'best' amongst the ones nominated. Some times it's the nomination that makes all the difference say like the Olympics- participation is everything. Yeah right!

So Slumdog Millionaire won 80% of the awards it was nominated for. Many theories and many arguments will bombard our TV screens and newspapers. The lack of ideas forces the best to come out in many people but sadly the same can't be said about Indian News Channels. One of them even had a debate wherein they argue and check this out, 'Can India stake claim on the success of Slumdog...?' Wow. If you think this makes for a good topic then consider this- the same channel, a night before, carried a story in its prime time news that Freida Pinto would be leading the Indian contingent at the Oscars. You see?

Anyway I'm not going to discuss Slumdog Millionaire anymore. Not that I don't have enough to contribute to the senseless debate, I have decided to be the ultimate consumer- I'm moving on! What prompted me to put this here was a message I read on rediff's message broad. This guy is hilarious!

"Getting oscar does not mean its the best picture in the world ,remember that it is man made award not a natural one , i mean its not a 100 mteres race in which machines do the judgement , the people who judged wether slumdog should get oscar judged it according to their own sensibilities, and ultimately any award in which human's are the judges is a matter of luck.”

What the hell is a natural award? For someone who calls himself MIG 21 BIS he sure is the perfect poster boy for all things man made! I checked out his previous messages and they are some absolute gems- 'Nobody is happy in India', 'Racism is human just like anger and love', 'Millionaire in rupees terms is useless, in dollar or pounds terms is real millionaire!'

Bring them on MIG 21....you are a source of sheer joy and happiness in harsh times such as these!

Midday's Children

2009-02-17T10:55:00.000+05:30

I’m definitely pass the quarter life crisis and maybe it’s a little soon for midlife ranting. Yet every time I get out of the confines of my cocooned life there is a certain sense of anger that can’t help but hit me. Why is it that I feel this way? More importantly who the hell is responsible for it? I have come to realize that it’s the midday’s children. Sixty years since the tryst with destiny we may have come a full circle.

Look around and you’d see what I suggest. An entire generation of strange Indians has come into the forefront. Of course such people were always there but the sheer number scares me. Who are these people? This is a generation that will take us into the next whatever-it-is-that is touted as the next big thing. They are the one’s who will drive us to where-ever-the-hell-where-that-whatever-it-is-at.

Welcome to Gen-Y.

These are people who don’t give a darn about anything and yet are socially aware and culturally awake. They don’t mind paying a bribe for it’s a way of life and they question everything. They won’t allow foreign competition to take over and they will leave their mark on the global map. They will make their parents proud, their grandparents prouder and their colleagues jealous. They will chomp on chicken while praising the greens, they will sip Red Bull and confess that there’s no thirst quencher like water! They will worry about the environment while driving a monstrosity called an SUV; they will ponder on global warming while setting the knob on the A/C. They will never stop to question and no answer is good enough for them. They will, rightfully, take the Sri Ram Sene’s of the world to task by logically telling them they can’t stop their freedom of expression and when the Mutaliks of the world use the same asinine logic to get up they will call him a fascist. They outnumber any club, any association ergo they attract new members across social strata and age groups. They are just like us but only more adaptable to the changing times. They can’t argue to win so they transform. They will not co-exist; they will create their own ways of life.

In case you think I’m not making any sense, allow me to further illustrate my point. This is a generation that believes that one must overtake from the left. Ahh so now I have your attention. It helps that it’s undivided. Well, well, well…ain’t life fab!? I tried reasoning but you never listened but now that I have touched a nerve it’s nice to see ya agree! These are the people who will put the metal to the paddle it they see on coming traffic. They are the one’s who will try and sneak an inch or two from every possible and mostly impossible angle while waiting for lights to change.

My way of dealing with them?

Give them everything! They never want anything that they get and if they get all they can get, they will never want. To quote the high priestess of curry culture Meera Syal, they are more like the ones with the Why Factor! They will question everything and don’t bother replying for before they get an answer they are already on with the next one!

Ram Ram!

2009-02-05T10:26:00.005+05:30

Freedom of choice can be a bit of a bloody nuisance for others. I have been trying not to follow the whole Sri Ram Sene/ Pramod Mutalik drama but there is some thing in it that just doesn't allow me to look the other way. This man used to be a RSS trained swaymasevak, who later joined the Bajrang Dal, and topped it off with a little time in the Shiv Sena before floating this Shri Ram Sene. If someone thought that Abrahim Lincoln was ugly and perhaps a beard might swing the ballot in his favor should take one look at Pramod Mutalik. The only thing uglier than the man is his idea of a utopian world.

In a country like India it's only the rich and the powerful and the cricketers who are truly above the law. It's the idea of getting away with just about everything, which is so deeply ingrained in the likes of such, that gives them absolution. People like Mutalik want to be that. They can't stand anything. It’s not that they don’t like the idea of people being equal. They want people to be equal like cows. No one really likes the idea of being equal to the next person. But what separates us from them is that we might take no for an answer every now and then. We don’t go around bashing women up just because they were sipping some cocktail.

What right does the law of the land give Mutalik to get away with such a thing? You try bashing someone chances are you might be coughing up some hard earned money to your lawyer friend to bail ya out. Mutalik was so way out that even the Bajrang Dal washed it's hands off, the BJP disassociated themselves with the freak and Shiv Sena, well…two of three ain't bad. The guy came on TV and said that perhaps his boys went a little too far and he was sorry but he ain't stopping what he thinks is the drive to save our culture and more importantly our mothers and sisters and daughters. Whoever has his goat please return! While that might take some time, the English news media could get its act together. Someone please tell Sagarika Ghosh to stop shouting her lungs out and stop asking stupid questions like 'People call you a goon..how do you feel about that..?' to Mutalik on live TV! This is so NDTV let it go Ms. Ghosh. Also Mutalik can't hear reason so no point shouting.

I've tried to think about this joker. I have reasoned in my mind and I have given up. There is no trying to understand freaks like Mutalik. Maybe he isn't the person we are angry with. Maybe it's the so called intelligent people of this nation that are pissing us off. Why is that the baba log of politics Rahul Gandhi, Jyotiraditya Scindia, Sachin Pilot, Naveen Jindal and the likes not doing anything about Muthalik like creatures? Ok they don't have a say in front of Mummy Sonia so doing might be rules out but at least they can say something? Why isn't the media cornering these people and asking them to comment? Or for that matter what is Vijay Mallya afraid of? He is a powerful man and an MP yet he won't comment of this issue...why can't he say that responsible drinking isn't wrong? The fat slob will be OK if women don't go pubbing and men drink their guts out. Of course all the women who he knows can join him on his yacht and partyyyy!

BS Yediyurappa joins the chorus and says that he won't allow pub culture. Thanks for accepting a lame thing like pubbing a culture. Thanks for equating a few pints with a cultural superpower like India. This just shows how nuts these people are. Ashok Gehlot won't mind gracing some function in Jaipur that will showcase Krishna-Radha raasleela but would not like the idea of boy and girl going out together. What are we some people from Central Schools in the 1980's where girls and boys will be treated separately as cattle!

Why no human chain this time?

Why no lighting candles this time?

What's the difference between cross border sponsored terrorism and such hooliganism?

Aren't these women important?

Or they didn't order your kind of drink so you don't 'feel' the pain? This will happen again. The next target Bangaluroooo or whatever the hell they call it, then it will be Hyderabad, then Chennai, and then maybe it will become a 'problem'.

My fear isn't that Mutalik will take over; he is too small a thing to worry about now. My fear is that the powers be will let him be and he might become a big pest like Bajrang Dal in ten years. And this could very well happen...you know why? We will be busy trying to get Chandrayan on moon, meeting a 9. something economic growth, questioning weather Saurav Ganguly was forced into retirement by the selectors, if Mr. Bachchan has lost his mind, isn't Rahul Gandhi the same age as his pa when he became the PM, Sunil Bharti Mittal trying to ask Narendra Modi about his charm, shouldn't LK Advani now give up, wasn't it a great thing to make Chidambaram the Home Minister, isn't Woody Woodpecker better than Bugs Bunny, what download speed do you get...

It is done.

The Talibanisation of India is finally taking shape. Could you have asked for more? Even Muthalik, rhymes precariously well with Mutawakel, the erstwhile Taliban's Foreign Minister!

A Horse With No Name

2009-01-28T23:11:00.010+05:30

Of course life imitates art but some times it does that in manners most bizarre.

The other day I came across a horse, a white horse running amuck on the busy MG Road. Anyone who knows the chaos called Mehrauli-Gurgaon road would know that with the traffic, metro construction and the million shops would agree that a crazy steed isn't some thing normal!

Nothing can ever prepare you for this...how can you be ready for something that is straight out of some Federico Fellini film!

What a sight!

I was prepared for something else. Thank god for a ten disc changer in the car that had America's A Horse with No Name on it....

...After nine days I let the horse run free
cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with its life underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love...

Same Cycle

2009-01-22T09:45:00.002+05:30

While doing research for a project I learnt what the scriptures really say about the entire life, death and the cycle it rides. Once Vishnu comes as the savior for this day and age in the form of Kalki and frees us from all the evils and what have you this whole thing will start all over again. I mean the books say that once the evil’s rooted out the age of demons and gods will descend upon us once again.

Fascinating stuff I say.

But isn’t this something that most of us already know? This is exactly the kind of thing that sparks off our collective imaginations. This is what our parents tell us when we get too happy or too sad. This is what you get to hear when you getting dumped. I always wondered what’s the point of all this. I mean we live, we blunder, we learn and we stick around to do the same thing again. OK. I can buy the notion that maybe some of us ain’t that bright. Some of us are downright duh, so duh that it’s almost ugly. Come on! Doesn’t it take all kinds to make a pretty picture? Anyway if we aren’t that dazzling and tend to do the same thing over and over again, aren’t gods supposed to smarter? Don’t they get bored of coming again to this place, earth and saving our sorry lives? Every time they arrive in some form or other they find the joint messier than before. They still go about doing their business and they know that they have to come back again and yet don’t make any effort to correct the ill formed ‘humans’ to clean up.

Isn’t the same thing happening over an over again? Some times it’s plain stupid and most of the times it’s agonizing but hey who’s complaining. This year’s not even seen a single month go by and we have witnessed the same things scams, scandals, bad governance and worse traffic snarls already. We updated our dictionary- Satyam isn't 'truth' anymore I want to ask myself why the hell I responded to New Year greetings so enthusiastically when I was supposed to be forewarned. Am I waiting for the almighty to come and clean my desk? Or am I thinking that he or she is going to finally jolt me out of my procrastination? It’s a little too much to dependent on the heavens to stop global warming or fight inflation?

I might not be complaining yet but I think it’s a little to weird to expect the lord to deliver us from parking woes!

Everything's a Memory....

2008-12-26T18:51:00.005+05:30

It’s usually while driving that a certain thought clouds my mind. No, it’s not while driving in the city. Are you kiddin’ me? Think while driving in the city. I don’t think I’ve mastered that yet. I traveled to Dehradun a lot this year. I did a total of five road trips and three train rides. It was one of the trips that someone shoved in a MP3 disc that featured all the crazy Nadeem-Shravan songs from the early 1990’s to the mid 2000’s.

A friend of mine once mentioned that while traveling in the hills one gets to hear songs that we thought were dead. They would invariably be played on bad stereos. Before I knew it I was mouthing the cult lyrics. I shocked myself when I realized that I not only knew the lyrics but was happily playing a conductor swinging an invisible baton for a phantom orchestra. Aashiqui, Phool Aur Kaantein, Sadak, Dil Hai Ki Maanta Nahin, Saajan, Saathi and a hundred other songs bought back a flurry of memories. After struggling for years the dynamic duo burst on to the scene like no one before or after. They were so proficient that the term ‘music bank’ was a common phrase during the mid 1990’s. Nadeem and Shravan had conjured up a million tunes and stocked them according to situation. A director went in with five situations and came out with an entire soundtrack. Usually all the songs were then sung by Anuradha Paudwal as most film albums were on T-Series. Believe me that was printed on the cassette cover!

I got back to Delhi and subsequently went on another adventure. This time the same torture was subject upon my ear but kind courtesy an audio cassette in a Mahindra Jeep.

The second time around I realized that time has passed me by. I have made so many memories but suddenly it hit me that it’s been 18 years since that song from Aashiqui (Jaane Jigar Jaaneman...), which incidently is a rip-off a Bappi Lahri song from the ill -fated early 1990's Mumtaz comeback film called Aandhiyaan! A few days ago I was watching Karan-Arjun on the television and couldn’t help but e-mail a friend about how we went out on a school night to catch a late night show of the film. That was 13 years ago!

The difference between Aashiqui and Karan-Arjun might be just five years but everything changed during those years. In 1991 there was no SRK, no Akshay Kumar, no Ajay Devgan (well not really...Phool Aur Kaatein came out in November ’91), Mr. Bachchan was about to go on a five year sabbatical, Aamir Khan gave his first solo hit in years in the form of Dil, Sunny Deol got his first National Award fro Ghayal. And yes there was no Coca Cola in India, Pepsi was still Lehar-Pepsi (the choice of a new generation), there was no cable TV, no MP3’s, no Audio CD’s...and my brother hadn't started palying the guitar!

The real point of this lil history trip is the realization that dawned upon me as the opening strums of Maine Pyaar Tumhi Se Kiya Hai (Kumar Sanu, Phool Aur Kaantein) filled my ears- everything is connected to a memory.

Scary thought this…what’s life trying to tell me when everything brings back a memory…

As another years goes by here’s looking forward to many new memories….Happy New Year!

Long Term Parking

2008-12-19T10:37:00.003+05:30

The Chinese believe that 'Three feet of ice not result from one day of freezing weather.'

Translated into regular English it means that a predicament is not formed without a period of events creating it. I couldn't agree any more. Everything around us is actually a result of letting things be and then suddenly waking up one fine day to realize that it's the wrong story.

Some months ago I was wondering what's it about the News Year's that makes us feel happy. I concluded that it could be the fact that life gives us an opportunity to set the clock back. Or may be it's the new chance we get at doing things the same way.

I think we are now finding it extremely difficult to deal with situations that have transformed into seemingly solution-less truths. Is there no way around them? Are we doomed to deal with them no matter what? Do people forget their place and start taking everything as a gospel truth and do whatever they feel like doing?

I’d have referred to the Bombay terror attack but I really don’t want to. I feel sick about the whole thing but that’s not really why I don’t want to talk about. I don’t like to read about it or talk about it now for I feel a chunk of people are trivializing it beyond repair. In case you have been doing some thing substantial and not following Barkha Dutt on We The People, let me bring you up to speed. She is going hammer and tongs at the whole thing {read a blogger's heart felt anger directed towards Ms. Dutt}. Every week she gets some doped out celeb who will shout his or her lungs out and ask for a movement of the people. Last week she had Gaurav Kapoor who was scared and he felt great that people around him were scared too as now they’d raise an alarm. He of course said that we shouldn’t vote and almost flipped out like Howard Beal from Sidney Lumet’s Network. Headlines Today has approached it in a refreshingly different manner; they have got celebs to do a mouth a terror proof take of our Preamble and cut a video to some plagiarized music.

Is there something that will come out of this? Or is this bad thing good for us for we will know what is bad for us and good that we’d react to this new found old bad finally? Why can’t we learn to ask the right question? Why can’t we do it the right way? I will tell you why…they still haven’t got us….they still haven’t attacked the true India. How can some of us say that now that they have got Bombay’s Taj they have attacked the heart of India? When they attacked Jaipur, New Delhi, Bangalore, Assam, no one made human chains, no one burnt candles and no one kept vigils. When we don’t know the true India, how can they attack the true India? I don’t want to ‘categorize’ the hurt but the fact remains that it doesn’t truly affect us till it truly affects us. So why should I react over zealously?

Is there someone who’d support me if I decided to sit in front of the Parliament like the Thais did in their airport? The question is will I support someone if they decided to sit out like the Thais? Thousands of them just sat down at the airport and threw the government out by forcing the courts to not only dismiss the people in power but also ban them from contesting any election for the next five years.

Here’s another example that will seal the deal. The Comptroller and Auditor General of India has found out that Rs.384 crore was wasted on 8 highway projects allotted between 1998 and 2003. Is this some thing that we didn’t know? But now that we know this will this help us change it…I didn’t think so. Like the government will continue to follow the same set of rules again and waste the tax payers’ money we too will learn to live with it.

Imagine how many bullet proof jackets this money could have bought...

Imagine how many lives could have been saved...

Imagine the NSG could have bought a bloody aircraft to ferry them across the nation during emergencies rather than looking around for suitable transport...

Imagine what poor Barkha Dutt would have to come up with to fill the air space!