By Jove!

Most of us who have driven a vehicle any time in India have a cop story or two to share. Most of us beguile others with the tale of interaction with the law where we’ve usually been on the ‘wrong’ side the law. I had some experiences with the upholders of law but nothing can ever top what happened a couple of days ago.

I was zooming by on a new by-pass road from Gurgaon to Delhi. I had my ipod connected and was trying (miserably) to sing along AR Rahman’s Tamil version of Humma from Bombay. My phone was resting next to me and I swear I wasn’t making use of the hands free device. A cop pulled me over. Gurgaon's finest was convinced that I had been talking on the phone. I tried telling him that for once I wasn’t yakking with anyone. He wasn’t buying any of it. He was demanding my license. Whenever a cop asks for a license try to avoid handing it over for a while. This makes me ask for other documents and finally when the trade takes place the act of handing over the license is enough to calm them down.

Back to the tale...I told him that I wasn’t talking on the phone. ‘You mean I’m lying?’, is what he said in his defense. I conveyed to him that I had no idea if that were the case but he was surely mistaken about me talking on the phone. He adamantly demanded the license now and asked me a couple of times if in fact I had one. I handed over my drivers license to him.

I decided to give him a brief introduction of my upright character. I pointed out the marks made by a government stapler when I was pulled up the last time for over speeding; the need speed limit in Delhi is 50 kph while I was hauled up for doing 57! I told him that I never argued for I was wrong and duly complied. He congratulated me and told me that I could visit the courts once again. I now decided to use an emotional carrot.

‘I swear by you that I wasn’t talking on the phone....I was just singing at the top of my lung capacity.’

The cop looked at me as if I had wronged an entire race. He told me why the hell was I swearing by him. A little note on then importance of swearing by something in India.
The argument enters a new domain depending on what you swear by. Everyone, at some point in time, swears by something or someone in India to put an end to cross questioning. The bigger the entity, the greater the conviction, hence easier to go up a notch or two.

The cop looked at me and told me to swear by god. Or my mother. Or my father and spare him. I took a deep breath and did it. I told him that I swear by my mother that I wasn’t talking on phone.

That did it.

He just threw my license back at me and asked me to go on!

By Jove...how am I ever going to top this one off!

India @ 60

It's the 60th Independence Day and the newspapers are going gaga over it and rightfully so. The country has come a long way and in the 30 years (almost 30!) that I have been around many things have changed.

A decade ago, on the 50th anniversary of the country's independence, a friend of mine and I decided to celebrate the event by being on the streets of Delhi. Hell we thought we weren't there when it all started and we sure as hell ain’t going to be around when the country turns 100 so why not enjoy what we had. We decided to be out from 14th night to 15th morning and soak in the sights. We wanted to go to the Vijay Chowk and witness A.R. Rahman unleash his patriotism by means of his Vande Mantram. The place was so crowded that we failed to reach India Gate. That night on the streets there was chaos- traffic jams but still people were greeting each other. Every car that passed us had people shouting 'Happy Independence Day' and waving flags at anyone who crossed them.

Last night I got stuck in a similar traffic jam that took hours to clear. I was on my way back from Delhi to Gurgaon and the police was checking each and every car on either side of the road. Security they said. The sheer number of vehicles boggled me for it finally dawned upon me a dark night (the street lights don't work in Gurgaon) that it's takes cars to make India Shine. All the ugly looking glass buildings passing off, as the temples of a modern modern India were all lit up and I could see were sad looking faces working on keyboards like crazy chimps. There were people who decided to walk rather than sit in the cars and almost like a scene from the REM's video of Everybody Hurts, I saw people flooding the streets.

Not a single person smiled.

Had things changed so much in a decade?

Look around and see the things that have really changed and one of the biggest change is that perhaps we have become a sadder lot. The world thinks we are the next big thing, maybe we already are for the country's booming and this mass is forgining ahead. I am happy to be here, happy to be a denizen of this boomtown where AR Rahman is still unleashing his patriotism only this time he calls it Jana Gana Mana; instead of Cielo's there are Honda's and Chryslers; instead of two radio channels there are 20 which churn out the same non-sense; some people possessed cell phones now everyone has at least two and each car had tens of them.

I'm the last person to force anything upon anyone but I did end up feeling a little sad that in just ten years an entire generation has stopped smiling unless they have an inane stand-up comedian hurling jokes at them...other than that who's got the time to smile.

Why am I making such a fuss about the whole thing; maybe there isn’t a reason to smile.

Wah Taj!

For the past few days there are reports in the newspapers about an online poll that will decide the new seven wonders of the world. Sunday's Delhi Times had an article that pissed and moaned about the fact that Indians are not voting enough. TheTaj Mahal, India's only 'entry' to the list is currently at the bottom of the list with just a dismal 0.7% votes in favor as opposed to Machu Picchu, Peru (25.5%), The Easter Island Statues, Chile (6.6%), Chichen Itza , Mexico (11.2%), The Statue of Christ Redeemer, Brazil (10.3%). In case you are wondering if this is some Latin American take over bid, other contenders include The Statue of Liberty (3.0%) and The Great Wall of China (3.9%).

The article went on to say that the Tourism Ministry is planning to do their bit to promote Taj (don't know what that means), A.R. Rahman has composed an anthem for the Taj (don't know what it sounds like) and the chairperson of some organization that wants the Taj to get it's due has called for a proactive stance (don't know what that would be). But what I know is that there are a lot of Indians out there and more so in the cyberspace who can ensure a place for the Taj. I guess it's just a matter of time for the last time Indians decided to vote they ensured that Mr. Amitabh Bachchan was declared the superstar of the Millennium!

All these articles crib about Indians not voting enough. Well for one most of us didn't know that we could rewrite history so excuse us for not invading the cyberspace! When we don't vote for trivial things like general elections how come The Times of India thinks we'll line up for such an important poll!? A glance at the list of nominees and you'll know that all the nominations are glaring examples of man's exploitation of another man. The Taj might be the prime example of love and all such happy things but it did come with collateral damage. So in a way we are voting for brutality in the name of whatever. Moreover if you write such an article including the web site's address would make it a little easier for lazy people like me to do something akin to national service! My googling skills notwithstanding, i searched for the net to vote and casted mine. Funny website- you need to sign up and you can't cast one vote. One has to choose his/ her seven wonders.

Whats interesting is that what'd happen if the Taj doesn't make it to the list? The opposition would blame the government and blah, blah, blah! Mahesh Bhatt might comment that we really don't need no western list to tell us that the Taj's a marvel. The PM might open a Taj fund or something for he'll suddenly realize that the darn thingy is falling apart or something like that. Now that Mayawati is back she might hound us to make a wonderful corridor to make up for the loss.

But wonder of wonders, what happens if the Taj manages to make it to the list? Oh nothing...just that the spirit of Indian culture would have prevailed and no one will give a damn after that.

So I urge you in the name of our glorious culture to please vote for Taj at the New Seven Wonders