The Number Gamers

With the recent global economic depression still fresh in our memories the realization that the three top people who ‘officially’ run this country are all economists isn’t a pretty thought. The last time these economists were given a carte blanche things really didn’t pan out that well.

The way this government is handling things I’m certain that there are some things that economists can’t do. They simply can’t operate when the results can’t be measured. And how does one measure hunger? Or for that matter how do you measure the anger on the streets of Kashmir, Naxal Jungle or even the Gurgaon-Delhi Expressway? Just take a look around and you’d wonder that how cut off from reality is the troika of economists like Dr. Manmohan Singh, P. Chidambaram and Pranab Mukerjee really is.

There isn’t anything wrong in the Prime Minister thinking of himself as a CEO of this nation but if the company continues to be sick how long can fancy economic terms used to fool. On the one hand the economist PM might not want certain underperforming ministers but accepts them as a flipside of coalition politics but on the other hand he’s just fine with giving a 300% pay hike to these non-performers!

Of course, the tireless threesome, who swear by truth and only the truth that numbers speak, will provide us with all the stats in the world to show how an increase in salary will result in better performance even though arguably a sustained performance should be a prerequisite for any increment! Statistics are some thing that can kill the dead and starve the hungry. Consider this- wouldn’t you prefer to send your child to a school that has a 95% success record as opposed to one with 73.45%? Would you still consider the same if you learnt that the former has 10 students whereas the latter has 3000 students!

The Finance Minister comes from a state that has been consistent in its efforts to stay stuck in the past simply because it was once glorious. He can justify the inflation simply because the numbers demand so. Pranab Mukherjee, who also happens to be this government’s favorite firefighter, tried placating the nation over the price rises by suggesting that an economy that grows at a phenomenal pace like ours will face inflationary situation. I can’t understand what’s the point of a 11.some thing % growth when half the nation is busy figuring out which pothole to avoid! When the opposition informed him that India was apparently shining while they were in power as well, Mukherjee got angry and was fuming as he corrected them that their growth rate was 8.something % and his was better. Way better.

It’s been twenty years since Dr. Manmohan Singh unleashed the economic liberalization upon us and while the journey has been mostly good it wouldn’t be totally incorrect to say that some things have gone wrong as well. Why is so difficult for an economist or a statistician to accept that everything can’t be a foolproof when it comes to numbers? Shouldn’t the need of the hour be to concentrate on areas that have fell short rather than arguing that the glass is, in fact, half full! In the last two decades the new India has grown but it’s not as if the old India ceased to be. What’s the point in having fancy cars when every road is potholed? What’s the idea of having sanitized community living in condominiums when the garbage’s piling up just outside the main gate? What’s the point in enabling the common man to fly at a fraction of what it cost decades ago when airports can’t handle the traffic?

Why are these three so cuckoo about things when even you and I know there is some thing wrong?

The simple answer to this simpler question is that the numbers don’t show it.

The top three are so obsessed with numbers that unless the calculations don’t land us up in Mars they won’t know how off track we really are. In the aftermath of the heinous 26/11 Mumbai attacks the appointment of P.Chidambaram as Home Minister sent out an ‘at least the right noises would be heard now’ kind of reassuring signal. But if you ask why Shivraj You-have-a-problem-with-me-changing-clothes-in-a-crisis Patil, the then Home Minister, is now the Governor of Punjab and R.R. why-sack-me-the-deputy-CM-for-saying-bade-bade-shehron-mein-aisi-chhoti-chhoti-baatein-hoti-rehti-hain Patil is the current Home Minister of Maharashtra then they won’t explain anything.*

Why am I so hell bent on proving these 3 Idiots** are taking us to the cleaners? After all they all seem earnest, don’t they? What else can you expect when the Home Minister of the world’s largest democracy says that his is a thankless job? In a sit down interview Barkha Dutt and Prannoy Roy asked if him in all seriousness (?) if he were ‘enjoying’ being the Home Minister, this is what P. Chidambaram had to say:

Click here for to kill time and read the entire NDTV interview.

There is some thing about people who use numbers to get by in life. They are angry if we don’t take them as seriously as they seem to take themselves. I once had a CA friend open his power point faster than Quick Draw McGraw to explain the sub-prime in the USA and he got angry that I couldn’t understand the simple play of numbers that lead to a global economic meltdown. The head honchos of this nation are angry that while I should be happy that they enabled me to drink Coca Cola, I’m busy suggesting they ain’t fit for the job.

How can I be anything but angry…when they are busy proving the existence of some thing that simply isn’t there? The trio is trying too hard to prove that nothing’s wrong with them or they way they see the world; the fault lies with us.

You see, we just need to change our point of view…

*FYI # 1- The update on sacked Patils. Patil #1 is now completing a no tell all memoirs (why write it then…?) and Patil # 2, who is called a Sharad Pawar in the making (scary sic), is doing his bit for the beleaguered Marathi manoos by brokering a peace deal between the multiplexes and Marathi film producers.

** FYI # 2- 3 Idiots might just be a registered trademark of Vidhu Vinod Chopra.

United Colors of Rajdeep Sardesai

Every time Mr. Raj Thackeray does something news worthy I think of Rajdeep Sardesai. I don't know the connect but somehow I end up thinking what'd the so-called intellectuals feel of Mr. Thackeray's Big Brother kind of attitude?

Few weeks ago when the whole North-Marathi thing flared up Rajdeep Sardesai never really said anything about the whole fiasco. Agreed that he wrote something in his weekly(?) column in Hindustan Times about how the history of Shiv Sena and MNS and Thackeray Sr. and Thackeray Jn. but he never really took a stand when it came to his news channel. I wasn't really surprised by his refusal to take a stand on any issue. This is a guy who, reportedly, left NDTV when he learnt that five people drew a bigger salary than him even though he was the ace after Dr. Pranoy Roy.

Rajdeep Sardesai is a strange fellow. I never thought highly of him but kind of changed my opinion to some extent when he started his own channel (read a previous post here). Why did I do this? Well, initially CNN-IBN tried reporting without really taking sides. There is some difference between taking a stand and taking sides. NDTV's take on Natwar Singh's daughter-in-laws suicide was what made me change my opinion about the way they report. The anchor (I forget her name) was apparently a close friend of the woman who died and this propelled her to cry on camera in addition to claiming how callous the media gets while reporting. She of course, accused everyone including herself for good effect.

Back to Rajdeep Sardesai and his Frankenstein. He is a smart guy. So smart that he can write a 2000 word article and yet refrain from making a point leave alone any sense. In case you don't believe me, read his take on 20-20 cricket and you'd know! I always wondered why did he never take a real stand on the whole Raj Thackeray thing...? Finally I got my answer when I saw CNN-IBN beaming a grinning Rajdeep Sardesai informing me that the world is change and so is Maharashtra. He did this in Marathi. This was a promo for his new Marathi news channel.

Eureka moment!

Now we know why he didn't really really have an opinion on Bhaiya Bashing in Mumbai. He didn't want MNS to come a calling! There is a bright side too. He might actually get a reticent Raj Thackeray to finally confess why he thinks that it's a great idea to pack north Indians out of Mumbai. The only hitch is that now that Rajdeep Sardesai promises to live up to his Marathiness and make IBN-Lokmat a stupendous success....what happens to the people who think of his as a Gujarati?

Confused?

Don't be. He wrote this while nursing his heart that was bleeding for Goa, 'Let me also debunk another stereotype: the ‘desai’ in my surname often leads people to presume I am Gujarati. The fact is that my father was a Goan, and I am proud to be one too.'

Next stop IBN-Susegado (Konkani which means take it easy)!

White Noise

My resident psychologist, Groucho Marx is of the opinion that television is very educating for every time someone turns it on he’d go to the other room and read a book.

I couldn't agree with him more.

In addition to my radio blues, my TV was out of action for almost two weeks.

Life seemed nice for the two weeks my television was dead; I surfed the Internet more than ever before in addition to almost finishing ICon, the biography of Steve Jobs. But the best thing was, not having to mindlessly surf channels in the pursuit of something half way decent. These days I consider the news channels to be most entertaining.

News is real entertainment for where else can you watch Raju Srivastav's mindless stand up comedy on two channels simultaneously- Star News and Aaj Tak. The dude has his own show on Aaj Tak! Makes me wonder what ever happened to the Sabse Tez channel? Maybe they realized the they were a tad too fast and if they had to continue, they'd have ended up making up news; which they do most of the times- remember the driverless car story in December 2006! Most film channels have taken it upon themselves to recover money for the producers of films like Nayak, Aamdani Athani Kharcha Rupaiya and Lakeer by repeating them week after week either as 'Friday Fury' 'Sunday Mega Movie' or 'Tea Time Treat'!

My mother finally called the Samsung guys to fix the darn machine. The back panel of the TV was unscrewed to reveal five years worth of dirt giving stiff competition to the dirt on TV channels! Tata Sky threatens to make my life jhinga la-la once again!

But did I miss anything while the TV was comatose?

Not really.

After senselessly surfing the only thing that caught my attention were those teleshopping network advertisements featuring a pipe-puffing Sherlock Holmes look alike who insists that English ain’t a language but a lifestyle and convinced me that my lifestyle sucked!

After fifteen days of no TV what do I see when I finally get on- CNN-IBN's promo departments crowing glory proclaiming that they were the only guys who got it right when their exit polls predicted that Mayawati's BSP would sweep the Uttar Pradesh elections. Dream on dudes! You guys were way off the mark on every other prediction and one mistake being turned into a marketing gimmick ain't impressing me.

I like CNN-IBN; I couldn't stand Rajdeep Sardesai till he was with NDTV, why’d I see someone trying to Prannoy Roy when I can see the real McCoy!? But once Rajdeep Sardesai left NDTV and became his own man I started liking his style. When I see him now, I kind of believe what he says to be the ‘news!’ But that advertisement was a little too much to take. Actually with a slogan like theirs, "Whatever It Takes" (freak predictions coming true included!) nothing surprises me anymore.

All hail Bruce Springsteen, the prophet!

Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on…