Unity in Bombing

The recent serial bombing of Ahmedabad and Bangalore have thrown up many things that need to be looked in with immediate effect. These heinous crimes against humanity have bought suffering to everyone and it’s only a matter of time before India decides to do some thing drastic. After all desperate times call for desperate methods, don’t they?

The investigation agencies are looking deep into the Indian Mujahideens threat to the leading Muslim actors of Hindi film industry. They can’t comprehend why simple people like actors like Aamir, Shah Rukh, Salman and Saif Ali Khans are perforce being used as pawns in this battle between good and bad. Salman Khan has decided to pay no heed to this threat as he doesn’t consider himself an actor. He believes that he has been accidentally dragged into this list just because he shares his surname with the likes of Aamir ‘The Actor’ Khan and Shah Rukh-I-Might-Ham-But-Have-Eight-Best-Actor-Filmfare-Award-Khan. Mr. Salman Khan was last seen keeping vigil on the streets of Bandra in front of Shah Rukh Khan's ensuring SRK’s safety.

Meanwhile Aamir Khan has taken great offence to this threat and argued that he doesn’t need extra security because he is now Samsung Mobile. He has publicly declared the same as well. Last checked Samsung Mobile was a secular and all religion respecting entity that challenges the limits and is only indicted of being tough on non-users. Anything that casts a threat to secular forces will not be spared by the government and the security agencies are overtly worried because no one including Mr. Aamir Khan know next is what? One can’t be too safe in these times.

SRK has refused to publicly comment on this but in private has been seen hanging out with the likes of Arjun Rampal and Suneil Shetty. Sources close to the star say that this could help him enter the category of wooden performers. This might just end up working as the inverse refuses to happen even though SRK keeps his faith in Arjun Rampal.

These warnings have really cast a shadow of doubts amongst people. At some level a rift of sorts seems to have entered the collective psyche of B-Town denizens. Zayed Khan and Fardeen Khan have not liked the fact they have been kept off the list of the actors who were warned. They both have since decided that a stupid warning will not split the Khandaan in any way.

Saif Ali Khan is the worst off. Just as he was getting cozy with the superstar actor status bestowed upon him, things started getting rough for him. In order to pacify anyone who casts doubts about the fact that Saif Ali can really act has been advised to order DVD’s of Ta Ra Rum Pum and Thoda Pyar, Thoda Magic from the YashRaj website. He had a secret meeting with Akshay Kumar to help the industry ride over this crisis. Saif and Akshay go a long way; they consider each other to the brother they never had.

Upon Saif’s request Akshay Kumar has decided to don the mantle of new King of Bollywood. Akshay has taken his role of being an apostle of peace a little too seriously. His portrayal of Kinng as Singh has announced his arrival in manner which would make all communities happy.

Nothing unites a nation like a tragedy. Ever since the infamy bought upon the nation by Indian Mujahedeen, right wing groups have been bombarded by phone calls by fans of all sizes and shapes. They have demanded that a similar threat be issued to ‘actors’ like Tushar Kapoor, Suneil Shetty, Arjun Rampal, Himesh Reshamiya, Rahul Bose. Here’s hoping that nothing breaks the strong bond we share as Indians. God bless those who feel the pain of their brother…

IPL

Indian Premier League is all set to kick-off a new phase in cricket. A lot of skeptics might have waved off 20-20 as nothing but a pretty diversion when the idea would have originated first. Now suddenly it all seems like a good deal.

Why not? If all the money spent already can't make it look pretty then what's the point! They could have very well used Pink Floyd's Money as the theme song. Someone tell Lalit Modi more is usually less while less is surely more!

IPL is nothing but a money-spinning racket. Of course, there is a new dimension that might be added and perhaps this would make the sport global. By global we don’t mean an Asian dominance, which the ICC hates. Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar can go all out to say this is the tonic that the gentleman’s game needed but come the next test series and the same geniuses would go to town praising the baggy blue Indian test cap.

When SONY forayed into cricket broadcast and introduced Mandira Bedi on a discussion panel, people like Harsha Bhogle cried foul. They had a problem with pre-match shows talking about things besides cricket. But when 20-20 originated the same Mr. Bhogle couldn’t help but regale us with 2000-words-a-minute talk while flashing his signature irritating hangar-in-my-mouth wide smile. Now suddenly the cheerleaders and dancin’ in the stands was fine.

The best thing about the IPL is the hype that it’s attracting. A day after the Olympic Torch thingy no news channel is interested in some after thought type discussion. All they can see, thanks to their blinders, is the darn IPL and its cheerleaders led opening ceremony. The sinking feeling I have is that the advertising, themes and logos and video unveiling could very well end up becoming the most memorable thing about the maiden IPL version.

One look at the ads and you might be mistaken that this isn’t some game of flashy cricket but some war. First of all who the hell came up with the Aaj Tak inspired ‘Karamyudh’ tag line? Secondly you squeeze in 50 plus matches in almost as many days in the months of April-May in India and expect the Yodhas to deliver! Little surprise then people like Andrew Symonds will only be playing four matches for Aussies clash with West Indies.

The names these teams picked up me reek of the various hangovers we Indians seem to be proud of. Rajasthan is still Royal and so is Bangalore but that Royal is Vijay ‘Kingfisher’ Mallya liquor inspired. Mumbai won’t stop epitomizing its Indianess whereas Delhi, as usual, is stuck with the D word- Daredevils. Little surprise that Punjab would be anything but Kings and Chennai is…well…Kings too!

This complete lack of ingenuity reaches its peak when you see the videos featuring brand ambassadors. Mumbai video has UN Peacekeeping uniform clad soldiers dancing with Hrithik Roshan in addition to the routine Mumbai fare- dabbawallahs, auto drivers, fishermen, PYT’s and dudes in ties! The Knight Riders have escaped convicts, dancers and pehalwans biting (literally) the cricket ball. FYI- SRK’s son suggested Ball Busters instead of Knight Riders. Surprisingly even with SRK or Hrithik and their all round skills their videos weren’t half as good as the Chandigarh Lions. Better still Chennai and Hyderabad- they never got any videos made. I don’t blame them for how can you make one if you have someone like Krish Srikkanth as the brand ambassador!

The only thing missing in this whole tamasha is Mandira Bedi and her ‘I-Still-Don’t-Know- What-Am-I-Doing-Next-To-Tony-Greig’ expression.

My money is on Hyderabad ‘Chargers’…but seriously who thinks of these names!!!!!!!

Overkill

Too much of anything can be bad. Every one knows this but no one seems to follow it. The best example of a sensory overload is the distribution of information. Nothing beats it. There is no dearth of information and there is no end to its flow.

Look around and everything reeks of information overkill. Buy a simple chewing gum and suddenly you are a better person, information wise! Information has never had it better since the Internet came to rule our lives. People, me included, not only read newspaper(s) at home but love to devour the online edition of The New York Times. We subscribe to the newsletter of e-zines as if our lives depended on them. We believe that news alerts on the cell phone is what makes all the difference.

Why?

Information, my friend, is king, queen and just about everything in the between!

Like everything that goes up, information overload is bound to come down as well. The wheels are already moving. There is an advance on cutting down on information to make life better. Bloggers have started unblogging- completely stop blogging and also removing posts from cyberspace. Some have also started to withdraw from social networking sites and delete their online identities. This is to make life better, easier by using relevant information. See what excess can do?

But…I don’t think that the real reason to do so it that there is too much information.

I sincerely believe that most of the times information doesn’t really reach people. If there were really an upsurge the why is that in last week I came across three people who had no idea about Shah Rukh Khan’s Kolkata Knight Riders? This is after all the news channels and all the newspapers (pullouts included) went hoarse talking about SRK’s new tamasha! The weekend newspapers all featured news about St. Stephen's having trouble looking for a new Principal but some former students (who think they are kings of information superhighway) were clueless about the whole damn thing. Some time ago a friend who is in the film business was unaware that Jodhaa-Akbar, just about the biggest release of the last six months, was already playing at a cinema near her.

A friend was raving about a book that promises to change lives and it suggests avoiding information that you really don’t need. I like that notion and can live with it. I think maybe these people are already putting it to use. How the hell would SRK and his innuendos make any difference to our lives?

So now I read a book, get more information, then use the information to lose extra information while people whom I’m suggesting these tips to are doing just the same and are happily ignorant about the darn book…

Wow!

click...

Image Courtesy: www.weblogcartoons.com

Om Shanti Om

I saw Om Shanti Om and must say I enjoyed it more than Saawariya. Oh wait...I haven't seen Saawariya. I'm sure I'd really enjoy OSO more than Saawariya. Just the promos of Saawariya were enough to keep me away from it. The leading lady dusts hanging carpets while she awaits her mysterious lover under a canal. I can't endure anything that seems like a prelude to global warming. The promos feature some mythical city with British Raj like architecture where it rains, snows and sweats at the same time! I tried catching Al Bore's (oops Gore's) An Inconvenient Truth but lasted just the first 20 minutes.

Om Shanti Om, for me, refused to take-off. The premise, the jokes, the gags were all in place and I had heard good things about the film and yet I felt cheated. I took the film's catch phrase, "Picture abhi baaki hain mere dost..." a little too seriously and ended up looking stupid waiting for something to happen even after the end credits rolled away. The usher had to kick me out as the next show threatened to start. I really enjoyed SRK in the first half. I thought he had a whale of a time enacting the inanities of 70's and 80's Hindi films. Ms. Padukone needs a few more outings to make an impression on me but she being the new darling of the country need not worry about my doubts. As expected, Shreyas Talpade was a treat while Kirron Kher does a great job as a stand-in for Farida Jalal in her usual Karan Johar and Yashraj films.

On a graver note, if OSO warrants one, I believe that the director could have handled the whole laughing-at-ourselves deal a little more seriously. I am sure Farah Khan loves Karz and Madhumati but making a film in which the characters tell each other to use the climax of Karz to get things done isn't the most sensible thing to do. But like Ms. Khan told a reporter that she did it because she didn't give a damn, I think I'm thinking way out of the box here.

I think Times of India, for the lack of anything more interesting uneartherd that Akshay Kumar's Return of the Khiladi sequence from OSO is a frame-to-frame rip off from a Swedish flick called Kopps. Wow! It doesn't make any difference to the people who report such stories that the entire film seems to be 'inspired' and 'lifted' and 'copied' and 'parodied' from a fistful of old Hindi films rather than a stupid one minute sequence. What Akshay Kumar does after the sequence according to me was the highlight of the film!

A few years ago when Sanjay Gupta came up with Zinda that was his ‘homage’ to Old Boy, it was TOI's Nikhat Kazmi who went to town saying that there wasn't anything wrong with the process. She believed that fantastic as Old Boy might be, sadly many in India would not be able to see it, hence Zinda. Well Ms. Kazmi should know better for she once ripped off a film review by Roger Ebert and passed it off as her own! Every time a Hindi film does well at the UK or US box office everyone hails the nth arrival of Hindi cinema globally. Hindi films are big because Indian media covers a premiere in UK or a shoot in London. I am not denying that we make pots of money as well but in spite of all this attention the insiders still consider originality to be over-rated. A Vidhu Vinod Chopra contractually forces a major Hollywood studio to acknowledge Gangsta MD (the intended Hollywood remake of Munnabhai MBBS) to be based on an ‘original’ idea of Vinod Chopra and Rajkumar Hirnani before the opening credits but has no qualms in plagiarizing Theme for a Dream to make it sound like Pal Pal!

How difficult is it to be original or at least legal about copying? If Bombay wants the world to really take things seriously then it must respect originality. It's easier than it looks for we are half way there already, aren't we really unique? How far can being original be?

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Chak De India

After Cheeni Kum and Bheja Fry, Chak De India is the third film I have enjoyed this year. The euphoria that Chak De India has generated reminds me of the same reaction that Black induced from people, even though it was blatantly similar to the Miracle Worker. A few months later many of those who loved Black sang a different tune for now they found Ms. Mukherjee's Chaplinesque walk rather funny and Mr. Bachchan too loud and over the top.

The city-bred sensibilities of the director may have worked against him and didn't allow the film to scratch beneath the surface. The film relies heavily (at times rather too heavily) on stereotypes. Now there is nothing wrong with stereotyping for (a) it saves screen time, (b) it delivers the point and (c) it helps you get out of sticky situations. Having said that am I to believe that Jharkhand is the new catchword for Jungle? Jaideep Sahni who furnished the script and the lyrics has been associated with very interesting films in the past (Khosla Ka Ghosla and Bunty Aur Babli) but this time around falls short.

The film is supposed to be about a bunch of girls who fight all odds and fulfill their dream(s) and about a coach who redeems his past failure as a player. I'm OK with Hockey not getting the center stage but even the personal track of the girls is just fleetingly touched. The cricketer boyfriend is so stereotypical that he could have been left out; the husband of the goalkeeper has two scenes and it looks like the actor (Nakul Vaid) sleepwalked through his lines. The other players have great intro scenes and some masala to enjoy in the middle but the last twenty minutes of the film just wraps up everything with so much of candy floss that it looks like a big cover-up operation.

Using hockey as a metaphor is a nothing but a smart tactic on the part of the people behind the film; cricket’s been done to death and kabadi won’t look as neat! We don't get to know anything about the game; the coach, who seems to be like a father figure, trains everyone the same way and those who don't love him can take the bench. The tactics discussed in the film sound more like basketball than hockey just like Iqbal made cricket look like baseball. Maybe it has some thing to do with the directors who stayed in America for a long time. The officials in the film are straight out of some 1980’s film which is OK for the do reflect the larger gentry’s take on women in sports but wouldn’t it make for greater drama if officials were kind of based on the real culprits? Imagine someone like KPS Gill sitting larger than life in front of SRK.

The manner in which the girls are introduced- all at the same place and in the same style. All of them seem like misfits in the blue print of life. Why? Why couldn’t one of the girls be a ‘normal ’ person who is not being subjected to torture by family or society at large? Only the Chandigarh babe is shown like that but is it that you can only enjoy what you do if you are capable of faking it as a supermodel!? The question is if I liked Chak De India and enjoyed it and am considering watching it a second time around- why the hell am I pissing and moaning so much? Well for one I think it's an opportunity wasted. Shimit Amin's comes across as a smart filmmaker but Ab Tak Chappan still seems like a better story. Chak De India for me is more of a casting success and packaging success than anything else. The casting of the girls is bang on and one just has to see them in action to believe that. The casting director happens to be a classmate of mine with whom I lost touch almost nine years ago; way to go Abhimanyu Ray.

Image Courtesy: India FM