Where's the Party?

Things can be so different in places. Some time ago when I was in Bombay I saw and learnt how different cities have different takes on different things. In Delhi it’s all about going out. You can decide what place to meet, what route to take, where to park; once you are at the designated place you can decide what place to sit, what to drink, what not to drink, what to eat and what not to eat. Whilst you do all that there must also be a consensus about what to talk about. I have noticed that it’s usually everyone talking at the same time about the same thing. To an outsider it may seem like people in Delhi always talk about politics or cricket.

This doesn’t happen in Bombay.

A few days ago while I was there I saw the difference. In Bombay people meet people at their homes. If you were to do this in Delhi you’d be sending out a signal that you have grown up. People drop in, have a quick shower, spray generous quantity of deodorant and then pour a drink or two. By now the traffic outside must have died down, which means it’s time to hit the roads. Of course the place to go would be half way across town or 10 kilometers (which in traffic terms means ‘oh god’). Don’t worry by now you are insulated enough to take it on. You take an auto for it’d be faster than a cab and in any case the second half of the journey would translate into a cab. Some times you’d make a pit stop at some booze shop, concoct your poison by mixing carbonated water with what you pick up and return to the cab- you are going to meet friends and have a nice time and not to pay the skies for a drink. Once you have reached the joint which has been carved out of some dilapidated mill it’s imperative that you enjoy. Bombay night outs are not just about ‘having a good time’ or ‘I don’t mind it’, once you put in so much of effort you need to enjoy. Ain’t no 11pm cut off going to stop you here.

You don’t talk much while partying in Bombay. I mean unless you want to talk shop, network what’s the point of talking. And how can someone hear you if the music is loud enough to wake up the dead. So no cricket and no politics. Cricket talk is usually relegated to Sachin Tendulkar, Zaheer Khan or Rohit Sharma. In case you talking IPL and you are in Bombay then the Mumbai Indians are your team. No they are not scared of Raj Thackeray, they just like Tendulkar in any form so he could be playing for Dhobi Ghat XI and what do you, you could be cheering the Dhobis! As for politics...ah let that be. It's the fools in Delhi that run the country and Maharashtra, remember we are here to have a great time!

Once the night’s been called, usually around 2pm, you take some more time to gather your bearings and if you happen to know the band you take about an hour. By now in case you are wondering what’s next life finds a way and the effort to complete the circle are set into motion. Living it up on a Saturday night can’t end on a Sunday morning- it must go on for a little longer. One of the people would suggest innocuously why not drop in at their place. This place would be mid point between where you are and where you want to go. So the word would spread amongst the remaining people that the party’s moving to so and so’s place. Everyone would scurry around the few taxis that are parked outside the place, make plans who’s going in which one with whom. The taxi ride would be…well the wee hours of morning make every place look surreal. By the time you reach the place you realize that perhaps it’d be best to return to the base. Off you go again. By the time you return it’s almost 7 in the AM and you have partied really long. Me being from Delhi and the so called ‘outside’ here realized it was not all that bad. I had a crazy time. I didn’t mind it; in fact I had a good time.

Wait.

This isn’t enough. Someone partied all night to ensure things were great and me going ga ga over a good time. I had a GREAT time. I must say seeing the sun come up had nothing much to do with it.

Intolerable Stupidity

Tolerating stupidity is an art that gets finer with each passing day. It's not an easy task to be ignorant and yet be attentive enough not to spurn an idiot off. This is something that we Indians need to become good at. I can successfully compare the impending greatness of this nation to the level of ignorance and intolerance towards stupidity. Call it co-existence of ideas or whatever you may, the fact remains that if you can adjust to stupidity there is no way in hell you can become great.

In India it's fashionable to react. By react I don't mean saying something to the effect like, "Uh..yeah OK I hear you....hmm fine.." No Sir. In India reaction ain't reaction till it becomes news. But we won't stop at that for why chose mere news over breaking news! If someone shows a character in a TV show who suggests condom for safer sex then people will gang up in front of the channels office and pelt stones. Now that's reaction. And the bigger the mob gets the better. In all fairness the founding fathers of this nation had no clue that simple things as freedom to speak one's mind would swing in such polar directions. Patience and intolerance died some time ago. Now days these are things lovingly and nostalgically used to describe Mahatma Gandhi's approach towards life.

Reactions are a good thing. They make others aware that you are indeed alive and kicking. But this new found intolerance in Indians is beyond simple comprehension. Simply put, people are no longer patient. I have no problem with that but one needs to figure out what's worthy of a reaction. Take this for instance. Stand up guy Russell Peters performs in India and says something that almost every NRI feels about Hindi cinema. He called them stupid and something where one succeeds primarily on the basis of looks. Well nothing wrong in that. He went on to add that Aishwarya Rai is the most beautiful one around but a non-actor. What the hell is so wrong with what he said? He might not have seen films like Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and Taal wherein Ms. Rai Bachchan managed to perform. In any case what Peters offers is an opinion and no one should make too much of it. But no. trust Indians to react. The next day papers carried a story as to how this act of his had offended Ms. Rai Bachchan's friends and fans!!!!

I think more than anything people are bored and hence they want things to react at. What was the big deal about Adam Gilchrist talking non-sense about Sachin Tendulkar? What was the need for an entire nation to come to grinding halt and REACT? And people are so used to people reacting that some times people force people to react. Every time a politician is arrested or pulled up his supporters go in a frenzy. Of course the politicians call this an equal and opposite reaction!

Now consider this. Ketan Mehta's latest film Rang Rasiya is about Raja Ravi Verma's life. Now if it's about a painter there will be paintings and if the painter happens to be someone who has created magnificent portraits then there are bound to be scenes that recreate some masterpieces. Now if some actor portrays the artist then logically someone will portray the model. It so happens that in the film Nandana Sen is the lady who poses for Verma's Lakshmi. Taking artistic liberties the filmmaker has got reproductions where Ms. Sen's face is prominently featured as goddess Lakshmi. It's a simple thing in a 'smallish' film that might not be so noticeable but all leading dailies have been repeatedly running stories with crazy headlines such as "Nandana Sen's face superimposed on Goddess Lakshmi, is it a controversy in the making?" I have seen this article three times in different forms. Even if there were no danger these papers would create a scenario where things could get out of hand.

Wow!

This really worked. Maybe Ketan Mehta's publicity team should be congratulated for it already got me to react!

We could all get together and no react to stupidity but…look at me and the way I realized and reacted. It was so much fun. Here I was getting all agitated at people's reaction to all things stupid. And I got carried away and now I can't come back!

Now I know why reaction is better. Much better than mere action!

Image Courtesy: www.hindugujarati.org

The Joke

The entire Olympic torch issue has made one thing very clear to me. In addition to being the world’s largest democracy with an unrelenting commitment to freedom and choice we also happen to being a big joke. The real thing isn’t that the pride of a billion people is at stake and that the world is watching so we shouldn’t slip up. The truth be told it’s about a bunch of jokers who have decided to turn a blind eye to all reason and logic while dealing with this Olympic torch thing.

Look at how it has all played out.

The Indian Olympic Association wants to keep the Chinese happy so that when they bid for the Games in 2020 or 2030 or whenever, they have some support. The politicians have told the Tibetians not to make a ruckus. If they are considered to be citizens of India, what’s wrong with opposing? Why doesn’t anyone tell these politicians to behave when they decide not to work or agreeing to their allies at center but opposing on the same issue at state level. The most vocal critics of the government have been their allies as opposed to the opposition! Pranab Mukherjee tells the Dalai Lama to behave like a guest while in India…well why doesn’t extend the same courtesy to the Chinese who want their officials to guard the torch’s run?

In my living memory I’ve never seen the government and police going out of their way to ensure the safety of the torch. My father tells me that in 1964 when the Tokyo Olympic flame passed his school, the teachers took a ten-minute break and allowed the kids to run along. And guess what- there was only a single policeman assigned to 'protect' the torch! If the government had allowed the Tibetians to peacefully oppose the torch’s journey, things would have simpler. No one would have ‘wanted’ to douse the idiotic flame that flies around in special airplanes with peachy looking overweight officials holding it for people to see.

Rather than debating on valid points everyone’s out there to prove that they are the biggest jokers in this circus. The Sports minister is angry that a politician heads the IOA so he targets his anger towards celebs who are participating in the run. Well we must realize that it’s Coke and Lenovo who are sponsoring the event so rest assured Mr. Aamir Khan and Mr. Saif Ali Khan will be running with the flame.

The government wants to prove a point to USA and UK where the flame was attacked so they will ensure thousands of policemen will do everything to let the torch go untouched even if that means that fortifying the route!! Who knows maybe the government has paid the gods to ensure that it doesn’t rain! These are the same people who go to town hard selling India as a secular and all forgiving nation beating the bejesus of anyone who wants to express views! If sports and politics aren't to be mixed, as suggested by ministers, then why this secrecy? No one knows the timing of the run!

Somehow in the whole drama people have really come across as idiots in their reasoning. Sachin Tendulkar epitomizes this very attitude. Throwing caution to the wind, Tendulkar played the first test against South Africa even though he wasn’t 100% fit. He then warms the bench in the next two tests but seemingly is fit enough to play the initial matches in the IPL starting 18th of April yet cities the same fitness issues to avoid carrying the torch. Barring Baichung Bhutia who unequivocally expressed why he wouldn’t carry the torch and Kiran Bedi who didn’t mince any words when she decided to bow out, everyone else has decided to dust the issue under the carpet. Of course Aamir Khan was, like always, clearly convinced about the how’s and the whys and the what’s of the entire thing. Maybe Aamir Khan could have taught the government a lesson or two in how to compellingly butter both sides of the toast without the toast complaining!

Breaking News

While flipping through our news channels you’d either hit upon an advertisement selling underwear or pens or catch the anchors begging people to SMS Yes or No in response to some no-brainer of a question. The other day Times Now updated me about the love blossoming between Yuvraj Singh and Deepika Padukone, as if I need to know that. The newscaster actually said, ‘the prince of Indian cricket and the IT (information Technology) girl’ instead of reading the copy as the ‘it’ gal considering Ms. Padukone is a hot favorite of everyone and their aunts!

The other usual suspects weren’t far off. CNN-IBN and it's Face The Nation, featuring an uber-hyper Sagarika Ghosh, actually had an entire show dedicated to Sachin Tendulkar and why shouldn't he be awarded the Bharat Ratna!!!??

What?

Why?!

Well some consider him the greatest cricketer ever and he has done India proud for 17 years and oh yeah he has finally managed to break the ‘jinx’ of getting out on 90 seven times? And this is a guy who refuses to pay taxes for a luxury car that he was gifted. This is the biggest thing a national news channel can come up with for a prime time show? Why can’t the editors exercise some discretion when it comes to deciding topics of discussion? Perhaps these guys are yet to recover from the shock that Narenda Modi actually won the Gujarat elections!

Don’t even ask about the Hindi news channels for they are a class apart. According to Star News nothing worthwhile happens in the world during the one hour they have a hideous show called Hasoge To Phasoge wherein some really strange looking people in the grab of stand-up comedy crack jokes. India TV has a mean Shani Baba resembling some photograph, infused with life, stolen from the most wanted board from your neighborhood police station. Aaj Tak (actually its English cousin, which is as bad if not worse) has one Mandeep Beivi who presents an hour-long take on showbiz called Entertainment News and only Salman Khan or her poodle can understand her accent. How do I know she has a poodle- one look at her hairstyle and you might mistake her for poodle!

There so many things that a news channel can change and it’s not as if they haven’t done their fair bit but is a little maturity too much to ask? I was watching BBC and got to know that by mid 2008 an Air Car, that’d use compressed air as fuel will soon hit the markets, Indian as well. The car will run at a top speed of 109 kms/hour and will run almost 200 kms on a single recharge. Though the price of the car isn’t confirmed refueling will cost less than 100 rupees!

I don’t recall any Indian news channel reporting this ever. Why am I talking about this? For one the car’s engineer, Guy Negre, has been researching for almost a decade now and had almost given up on the idea when someone bailed them out and funded the research. It was our own Tata Motors!

Why am I so angry? After all isn’t it that they sell what sells and perhaps we get what we want for if it wasn’t wanted why’d they sell it?

Yeah right!

I think we all love non-sense. As a matter of fact most of the times we go the extra mile to ensure we get non-sense. Where else can so much non-sense amalgamate? Flip through channels and you'd see the point I'm trying to make here.