Mumbai...?

Paul Theroux once commented, 'Tourists don't know where they've been, travelers don't know where they're going.' Returning to Mumbai is like having the same dream all over again. Though these days it's more like a nightmare!

I look forward to my visit and once I land here there's a strict protocol that I adhere to: have a Vada Pav as soon as I hit the Western Express Highway. Then make a few calls informing people about the eagle's landing; crib about the never changing traffic problem. Ask the auto guy what's been happening in the town. Plan to check films out, eat some Keema Pao...

This time around it's been six months since my last visit. Many things have changed and needless to say, the more things change the more they remain the same. My friend's building, that i camp in, has seen a three fold increase in the number of vehicles. This list also includes children's pink colored bicycles. The same traffic problems plague the neighborhood. There was an open drain in front of a new mall that was being constructed the last time I was here. now the drain's covered and the mall's open but business doesn't seem good. It has been raining for the last two days and the situation isn't as bad as TV channels would have made it out (not in my neighborhood at least). Everything else is the same.

So what's the deal with coming to Mumbai? It's only the people you know here who might make it easier for you for everything else is going downhill.

Image Courtesy: www.thehindubusinessline.com

White Noise

My resident psychologist, Groucho Marx is of the opinion that television is very educating for every time someone turns it on he’d go to the other room and read a book.

I couldn't agree with him more.

In addition to my radio blues, my TV was out of action for almost two weeks.

Life seemed nice for the two weeks my television was dead; I surfed the Internet more than ever before in addition to almost finishing ICon, the biography of Steve Jobs. But the best thing was, not having to mindlessly surf channels in the pursuit of something half way decent. These days I consider the news channels to be most entertaining.

News is real entertainment for where else can you watch Raju Srivastav's mindless stand up comedy on two channels simultaneously- Star News and Aaj Tak. The dude has his own show on Aaj Tak! Makes me wonder what ever happened to the Sabse Tez channel? Maybe they realized the they were a tad too fast and if they had to continue, they'd have ended up making up news; which they do most of the times- remember the driverless car story in December 2006! Most film channels have taken it upon themselves to recover money for the producers of films like Nayak, Aamdani Athani Kharcha Rupaiya and Lakeer by repeating them week after week either as 'Friday Fury' 'Sunday Mega Movie' or 'Tea Time Treat'!

My mother finally called the Samsung guys to fix the darn machine. The back panel of the TV was unscrewed to reveal five years worth of dirt giving stiff competition to the dirt on TV channels! Tata Sky threatens to make my life jhinga la-la once again!

But did I miss anything while the TV was comatose?

Not really.

After senselessly surfing the only thing that caught my attention were those teleshopping network advertisements featuring a pipe-puffing Sherlock Holmes look alike who insists that English ain’t a language but a lifestyle and convinced me that my lifestyle sucked!

After fifteen days of no TV what do I see when I finally get on- CNN-IBN's promo departments crowing glory proclaiming that they were the only guys who got it right when their exit polls predicted that Mayawati's BSP would sweep the Uttar Pradesh elections. Dream on dudes! You guys were way off the mark on every other prediction and one mistake being turned into a marketing gimmick ain't impressing me.

I like CNN-IBN; I couldn't stand Rajdeep Sardesai till he was with NDTV, why’d I see someone trying to Prannoy Roy when I can see the real McCoy!? But once Rajdeep Sardesai left NDTV and became his own man I started liking his style. When I see him now, I kind of believe what he says to be the ‘news!’ But that advertisement was a little too much to take. Actually with a slogan like theirs, "Whatever It Takes" (freak predictions coming true included!) nothing surprises me anymore.

All hail Bruce Springsteen, the prophet!

Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on…