Who is Me?

People exist in two mediums- ours and theirs.

Our world order collides with what the others perceive them to be theirs and soon people from different plays end up crowding the stage you portray your lines on. This is followed by whatever one perceived to be the truth transforming into eyewash.

For long I thought I knew what I thought I knew about things. But lately I have been compelled to think otherwise. The simple question that has been hitting my brain like a wave in an electrically generated wave maker that seems to be powered by the vast and seemingly endless power of the sun, is that what happens if I start existing the way people around me think of me? I’m an amiable fellow and usually people around me think of me as someone whose birthday could be declared a national holiday in some cultures. Basing my theory on this little personality trait of mine, I wouldn’t be completely nuts in thinking that I’m quite liked so people won’t perceive me as someone who shouldn’t be a national treasure.

But to be fair to the laws of physics, if I were to suddenly lose my world and subsist as a figment of someone else’s imagination wouldn’t I be extending the same courtesy to just about everyone around me?

This brings to a strange place which isn’t a comforting thought. The point is how long does it take for one to get sucked into stupidity that surrounds one? Especially if the stupidity is self inflicted? The way I’m being merrily made up in people’s thought has for some time been responsible for my demeanor towards the world at large. So if I were to claim to be someone who understands the world it means nothing more than people have designed me that way? Off late I have been noticing that patience in listening to others has been deteriorating and while I’m no saint when it comes to hearing people out I do enjoy an endearing tale.

If my world is a bastion of stupidity then people around me are not as stupid as I am for the simple reason that my world is created by me. And why would I create a universe where everyone barring yours truly was nuts? Can you imagine how starved I’d be for a half decent conversation? Or how lonely I’d be! Doesn’t make sense. More importantly it doesn’t do justice to my intelligence. So when people around me start telling me that I’m completely at sea when it comes to understanding them, then perhaps it’s me who’s responsible for the lack of communication. Take a few days ago for instance. I was in deep thought with someone who some where knew what I was and where I was coming from but that still didn’t help the case. A few volleys later I realized that while this person was being granted a fair leeway of exercising points of view, the same courtesy wasn’t being extended.

Now why would someone I created to be seemingly smart in my mind, and the real (whatever real be) world as well, be so ungrateful and not necessitate the same kindness in their creation of me? Why is it that many of us don’t seem to understand that people can change? This simple omission some times leads to disaster. We need to understand that even though our perception of others is created in our minds, people have a right to change without prior notice. Just understanding that someone isn’t the same person can be a helpful tool while talking, isn’t it?

This self creation of my world has been, off late, rendering many conversations of mine useless. I’m unable to steer some important discussions to their logical end. Am I in some incomprehensible manner responsible for stopping the logical flow? What is more dangerous- looking at people the way they are and dealing with them or looking at people the way they ought to be and dealing with them? Either way is fine as long as you get some where but what scares me is that the people you are categorizing are busy doing the same at the same in the same conversation.

Phew!

So where the hell does this lead to?

We were talking to get some things done or at least define the undefined but two equally potent forces working in polar opposite directions at the same time can be catastrophic. So when you are talking to me, who are you really talking to?

The Me I knew to be me? Or the Me who I never knew was really me? The me who you knew of me? Or the Me you never knew was really me?

Gosh…do I even know what I know of myself.

Sorry…what were you saying…?