Need Is An Ugly Word

It’s almost like a basic truth of life. Everyone knows this. Men still act surprised every time it is discussed.

What am I talking about?

Shoes, chubby am talking about them shoes. And not just any pair of shoes, I’m talking about a fine pair of ladies shoes. I was talking to some of my women friends and most of them love shoes. I know what that means for I am crazy about shoes. My mother recalls the time when we went shoe hunting for yours truly back in old days and she dreaded every minute of the exercise. A pair would last a year and half on me in the good old days. Those days are long gone. Now I usually pick up shoes once in eight months and am almost like Einstein. The genius had five sets of the same combination of clothes he wore; saved time he claimed. I check out shoes every time I am in a mall; I walk into a shoe shop and try some pair knowing very well that I ain’t picking up any. So much so that my former girlfriend was convinced that I had a shoe fetish.

The real deal with shoes is how many pairs do you really need?

I can see your expression changing and especially ladies, I know that is a dumb question to ask. The moment you say how much is too much the name Imelda Marcos occupies the billboard of my mind. The lady had hundreds of pairs and I’m sure that no one knows the exact number. It’s funny that you can calculate the distance to sun and the number of years India will take to become the biggest economy in the world and how many clicks the poster boy for Axe deo gets but putting a figure on the number of shoes a woman craves is impossible.

A recent survey or study (I’m getting confused anyway) claims that 19 is the secret number. So I decided to put this info to use. I called up some of the women I know. M promptly came up with the figure 23. In addition she said that she finds a forgotten pair every time she opens her closet. For M all her skeletons are out there in any case! L didn’t put a number at first but finally came up with 6, at best 7 thought she ain’t sure. P wanted to know if I meant all the pairs or just the ones she uses on a regular basis but nevertheless came up a figure that seemed conservative to her 13. S explained that shoes are never enough and as of now her shoe count is 25. But the best was A who, when asked, went from ‘not many’ to ‘I don’t know’ to ‘lemme think’ to ‘5’ then ‘6’ then ‘7’ and finally ‘8’ but ended up saying ‘I think I need new shoes!’ P was surprised at the randomness of my question and she was worried that she'd have to count; she did come up with 20 but a few moments later said that she wears only 4 on a regular basis.

There are some who have innovative ways of dealing with this craving for shoes. S has convinced his wife A to give up a pair for every new pair she picks up! This way A is supposed to keep the number in check. I think every time a woman looks at a proud pair she possesses she thinks of all the shoes that she must have rejected for the one she holds in her hand.